Alive Again

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Back in July 2016, as I was packing up my New York apartment and shipping boxes upon boxes back to Michigan, I had no idea what direction my life was going.  Vodka in hand, soul empty, and nerves on fire, my heart was broken.

I had officially failed at my life in New York City.  It was the only thing I ever wanted; to work in fashion.  To live on the Upper West Side.  To mingle with famous writers, actors, designers, and socialites.  To have a drink at lunch without judgement.

Then, I got it- and I ruined it.

Sure, most of those things are silly; but the career part was what hurt the most.  For some reason, however, at the time I didn’t realize I didn’t ruin anything.

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June 2016, 59th and Fifth.

I just took a break.

What I didn’t realize back in 2016 was that I didn’t need to purge all of my stuff to become “mindful.”  I didn’t need to abandon my love for style just because I needed to step back and work on myself for a while.  I didn’t need to drop my #OOTD pictures just to be a happy, confident person on the inside- for my fashion is no longer my mask.

It’s an expression.  

What used to be a shield of protection is now a bridge to connect with others.

Style connects.  Style speaks.  Style inspires.

That said, I have been thinking lately about starting on a few new projects on my off-work hours, and perhaps I’ll even start painting in color- not just gold.  🙂

Life is too short not to do the things you love- and it feels wonderful to be alive again.

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She’s back. June 2018.

New Moon Vibes- Spring Has Sprung!

Although the New Moon was over the weekend, I’ve been really feeling it these past couple of days.  Perhaps it’s a combination of the moon and Mercury snapping out of retrograde (whew), but I’ve been feeling refreshed, calm, and balanced.

Instead of being overcome with emotions- both good or bad- I’ve been feeling more neutral.  People haven’t been pushing my buttons like they used to, comments aren’t being taken so personally, and my anxiety about everyday things- such as commuting or finishing up a task at work- isn’t so bad.

I’ve been choosing what to care about and what to put my energy towards.

This New Moon was in Aries, which is the first astrological sign of the zodiac.  So, it only makes sense to be feeling a bit fresh- it’s the New Year!  I like that thought, too- now is the beginning of a brand new cycle.  We’re all able to pay attention to what is around us, take control of our thoughts, and focus on what is happening in the now. 

That’s how I want to live in this new year, new spring, and new season.

Spring is a time of rebirth, growth, and manifestation; as the old falls away, the new comes into form.  I spent the majority of the winter cooped up writing, planning, and coming up with ideas- which served its purpose during the cold, snowy months.  I had been busy planting seeds for what was next, and even though I was taking steps each day, my ideas weren’t ready to grow- until now.

Just like the spring, everything has its cycle- planting, growth, and blossoming.

Over the weekend I did my usual routine- a Saturday stroll through Boston Common, journaling in the Public Garden, and window shopping on Newbury Street.  It’s finally starting to look like spring, and I’m excited to watch the flowers start to bloom… just like new projects, ideas, and dreams.

Those Spring Feelings- Starting Fresh

Although today’s temperature in Boston would suggest otherwise, it’s the first day of spring.  Emotionally, this year feels like it, too- although I’m still wearing a heavy coat and there’s a winter storm warning, it’s the start of a new, fresh season.  It’s a time to wake up from the winter months, reemerge, and blossom.

It’s time to shine!

This past weekend was the New Moon in Pisces– a dreamy, go-with-the-flow vibe.  Representing strong, feminine energy, Pisces floats in at a time where we can embrace the new season by owning our strengths, taking chances, and welcoming new opportunities.  Saying goodbye to this last chapter, the New Moon is a time to turn the page and start with a fresh, new piece of paper.

Speaking of new opportunities, I start comedy class tonight.  Laughter has always been one of my ways to cope with life, from telling stories to making not-so-funny situations into something humorous.  Although I’ve thought about comedy writing for over eight years, I kept talking myself out of it.  First, the classes at UCB were full.  Then, I didn’t have the money.  There was always an excuse!

There’s been no doubt in my mind that sketch comedy would be something I’d enjoy- and even be good at- but for some reason, a little voice kept causing me to procrastinate.

That negative self talk is what has kept me from doing a lot of things- but this past year of healing, writing, and getting to know myself has given me the strength to go forward and give it my all.  What do we have to lose, anyway?  I’ll tell you- opportunity.

You never know unless you try.  This goes for relationships, career, and life- you can’t judge the outcome of your future by the mistakes or events of your past.

It’s important to heal and let go of the blocks that have prevented you from taking risks- especially if your heart is telling you that the thing you’re afraid of is right.

Happy Spring, and I hope you’re able to take chances, have faith, and go with the flow- you never know what people or opportunities will float your way.