I Love Me More Than I Like Them

Self-love has been a huge theme in my life these past couple of years.

Ever since I started this blog, I’ve written about my inward journey of self.  From the first few posts, I’ve expressed self awareness- pretty or not- exploring topics such as being a loner to my fear of commitment.

I’ve put my thoughts and feelings out there for the world to see- if there is ever any question about how I think or what I stand for, there’s usually “a blog post for that.”

I’ve experienced ups and downs in all types of relationships, from family to coworkers, and at times I have questioned what I already knew about myself.  I’ve listened to the feedback or opinions of others and doubted myself.  I’ve taken comments to heart and taken the blame for someone else’s bad day.

I’ve forgotten to look at all the positive things I have worked so hard for and let someone else tear me down; someone else who probably hasn’t even done the work for themselves.

Today, I love myself more than I liked any of them.

Why is it so easy to take everything to heart?  Why can’t we just let someone else’s snide comments roll off our back?  Why would we take the feedback of someone we barely like and beat on someone we love?

This is a reminder to continue to be true to you, and to listen only to love.  This is a reminder to stop letting other people bruise your spirit, and to continue to heal any pain you’ve experienced in the past.

This is a love letter to you- never let anyone take your power (and this serves as a reminder for me, too). Keep shining.

You Can Keep Your Opinion

I’m continuously baffled by the things that come out of other people’s mouths.

You can keep your opinion, but I don’t need it.

I’m talking about the small, petty things- things that are meant to critique others, bring them down, or to question themselves.  I won’t get too deep, but I’ll give a few examples that I heard in the past week:

“You should grow your hair out.”

“You should go without makeup.”

“You should wear more color.”

You know what I have to say?

“You need to stop shoulding on me.”

I struggle to recall times I’ve given such annoying suggestions to people.  I’ve never urged someone to change their style or to do something different with their appearance.  It’s just petty and, quite frankly, mean.

If people try and change the person you love (YOU!) then I would begin to question the people you surround yourself with.  My real friends like me for me- and those people love me for my black wardrobe, blonde bob, and pink lipstick.

Not So Glamorous

Marcel Broodthaers Preview at MoMA in New York, 2016

I can’t lie- I loved drinking.  It did something to me that made me feel invincible, interesting, and sophisticated.  Little did I know, it actually did quite the opposite.

As much as I loved a rooftop bar, museum opening, or fashion event, I also loved a good dive- and all the debauchery it brought.

If I hadn’t loved drinking (or at least the chaotic lifestyle), I wouldn’t have gone back to it repeatedly despite the negative effects it had on my life, my relationships, my sanity, and my health.

People suggest, “just have one!” yet quickly realize I do terrible, uncharacteristic things after one- because one always leads to eleven or twelve.

As I began to grow spiritually, I realized alcohol didn’t have the same place in my life.  It blocked my intuition, my connection to my higher self, and stripped me of all my inner peace.  Alcohol leaves me wanting more, hopelessly aware of the emptiness inside of me that a healthy spiritual condition fills.

Do I wish I was that person who could just have one?  Of course.  I never would, and I never will, though.  I’ve accepted that reality.

Instead of drinking to fit in or make others around me feel more comfortable, I’m happy with my carbonated water or Diet Coke today.  It certainly helps me remain centered, mindful, and grateful for the moment.