A few weeks ago I wrote about how I am not quite ready to date. Although I would like a partner, I still have work to do on myself- and part of that work involves healing from emotional trauma.
Trauma is something I haven’t written about before, but I feel it’s necessary. Whether it’s emotional or physical trauma, both result in self doubt, fear, insecurity, and unhealthy behaviors.
I wouldn’t want to take out my old pain on someone new.
While living in New York City I was involved in a potpourri of unhealthy relationships- relationships that got serious, relationships that were flings, and relationships that dragged on despite never being anything real at all. Every experience taught me a lesson, yet I’ve still held onto the memories and the pain.
I dated someone who came out of the closet to me. I dated someone who later died from alcoholism. I also dated someone who turned out to be someone entirely different from what I made him out to be in my head. They’ve inspired stories for me to write about, lessons to learn, and have made me realize what I am looking for- and what I deserve.
I know I am stronger from each experience, but in addition to these relationships, I also have trauma from my drinking days, from childhood, and from teenage bullying.
Caring for your mental health and healing your inner child is crucial, and that is the next step in my journey. I know I still have work to do, and I am finally ready to acknowledge both my part in the experiences and well as forgive the people who hurt me.
Life is a complicated thing, but as spiritual beings living a human experience, I know everything happens for a reason. It’s up to us to choose how to view it.