You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you first meet someone?
That little sign that says, “stay away,” or even, “he seems a little douchey?”
I try not to generalize or stereotype (keyword: try), so I often used to ignore that gut feeling.
I give the poor chap the benefit of the doubt, despite his obvious attempts at overselling himself. Over the past 15 years or so I’ve seen the same patterns, over and over, and as soon as I do, I shake my head and think “damn it, Kristin, you already had this one pinned.”
Within the first few exchanges, if a man suggests going on vacation with you, talks about your future, wants to introduce you to his family, or takes you somewhere elaborate, run. Fun fast.
Listen to your intuition.
It won’t oversell itself to you.
I’m not talking about the Oscar-winning song or the 3 foot end of the pool.
I’m referring to people who lack depth.
The people who only see me for what I look like. The people who are driven by status. The people who are more concerned with job titles than the purpose of what they do.
I’m not interested in your money, your condo, or where you got your degree- I want to know you as a person. I don’t care where you work, but I do want to see past your ego.
I recently met someone who never asked about my writing, my recovery, or my job. Sure, they complimented me on my appearance, but they cowered when I mentioned serious things about my life, and seemed to forget I don’t drink. Ouch.
They didn’t want to know me- they wanted to me to be what they wanted me to be.
This is common in today’s society. In a world of Real Housewives and Kardashians, it can be hard to find people who want to sit and have meaningful conversations. It doesn’t have to be serious, but I do want to know what’s underneath the exterior (and I’m not talking about getting someone naked).
I want to know where someone is at spiritually- and I want to have a good understanding of who you are– not what I want you to be.
I’ve come to a point in my life where my own boundaries and self love are greater than putting on appearances to be accepted- I would rather be rejected than be untrue to myself.
Self-love has been a huge theme in my life these past couple of years.
Ever since I started this blog, I’ve written about my inward journey of self. From the first few posts, I’ve expressed self awareness- pretty or not- exploring topics such as being a loner to my fear of commitment.
I’ve put my thoughts and feelings out there for the world to see- if there is ever any question about how I think or what I stand for, there’s usually “a blog post for that.”
I’ve experienced ups and downs in all types of relationships, from family to coworkers, and at times I have questioned what I already knew about myself. I’ve listened to the feedback or opinions of others and doubted myself. I’ve taken comments to heart and taken the blame for someone else’s bad day.
I’ve forgotten to look at all the positive things I have worked so hard for and let someone else tear me down; someone else who probably hasn’t even done the work for themselves.
Today, I love myself more than I liked any of them.
Why is it so easy to take everything to heart? Why can’t we just let someone else’s snide comments roll off our back? Why would we take the feedback of someone we barely like and beat on someone we love?
This is a reminder to continue to be true to you, and to listen only to love. This is a reminder to stop letting other people bruise your spirit, and to continue to heal any pain you’ve experienced in the past.
This is a love letter to you- never let anyone take your power (and this serves as a reminder for me, too). Keep shining.