Love Yourself: The Importance of Speaking Your Truth

“Being yourself ” today can be a scary thing in a world of so many mixed messages, expectations, fear mongering, and marketing.  Just when it feels safe to speak up or “be yourself,” someone seems to shoot you down or makes you second guess that “you” you’ve been striving to embody.

Well, I’ve finally shed the final few things that have been holding me back from being my authentic self.  For me, the most important element of being “Kristin” is simple: it is speaking my truth.

I need to be in an environment where it is safe to surround myself with people who allow me to speak my truth and can benefit from my stories.

As I feel safer and safer to share my story and speak my truth on a daily basis, the easier life has become- and the more I have been able to be of service to others.

As some of you know, I have been sober on-and-off since April 8th, 2011.

I’ve never publicly written about this before in fear of being both isolated or grouped together with other “sober people.”  I don’t identify with any group, religion, or title- nor will I.  I’ve tried it, and it didn’t work.  You will never label Kristin or put her in a box.

Today, I am simply “Kristin, and I’ll take a coffee.”

My reasons today for not drinking are different than they were a few years, or even months, ago.  I used to say, “bad things happen when I drink,” or “my body can’t handle it.”  I used to make excuses, such as “I’m on medication” or “I’m on a diet,” but today, my answer is simple:

“I’m fine as I am.”

Over my seven years of sobriety, relapses, periods of thinking I was “normal,” and drinking for pure self-sabotage, I found one common theme:

I drank when I thought I couldn’t be myself.

Being “myself” used to be a scary thing.  I used to water myself down, drink away my thoughts, and numb out my emotions.  I used to fear my imagination.  My creativity used to scare me.  I was told “creatives are flaky” or “artists starve.”  Again, that’s society’s stereotype, their lack of understanding, and their inability to think, create, or live on their own.

I get by just fine doing things my way.  I tried to fit in their box, and it didn’t work- time and time again.  So, with a clear mind and a lot of lessons under my belt, I’ll try the alternatives and create on my own.

Don’t listen to the others if their way doesn’t work for you. 

Keep doing you.  Keep speaking your truth.  Your niche will find you.

Today, I wouldn’t want to water down any message; I want to be my authentic self to share my experience and strength with others.

I am happy to share that I finally love being myself- and I’ll do my best to help you love yourself, too.

If you think you have a problem a problem with drinking or need someone to talk to, please feel free to send me a message. You are never alone: kristinfehrman@gmail.com

Back to NYC

We all have a destiny, and I am moderately certain mine is growing old writing on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, sitting in Riverside Park, and going to Zabar’s.

Retirement #goals.

Tonight I’m heading back to spend the weekend in NYC with my dear friend Nicoline. We haven’t seen each other since a Camille Styles book signing at West Elm back in 2014. Nevertheless, it’s been a long time.

That fateful October was the last time the SF Giants won the World Series, which was how we met.  Over conversation, baseball, and mutual ex boyfriend, we had the same Hunter Boots on as we watched the game at a Finnerty’s on 2nd Street.

Ah, memories.

The one year of Joe’s passing is approaching on July 1st, and Nicoline and I have become closer than ever since.  I am sure he would find it hilarious that we are friends.  Although we dated the same guy at one point in time, we were able to see past it and be there for one another.  That is what life is all about- and I am grateful.

Although it won’t be our Giants, we are heading to Yankee Stadium to celebrate our reunion over baseball and brunch.  I can’t wait.

A weekend getaway is just what I need- to reflect on where I’ve been, where I’m at, and how far I have come.

🧡

Alive Again

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Back in July 2016, as I was packing up my New York apartment and shipping boxes upon boxes back to Michigan, I had no idea what direction my life was going.  Vodka in hand, soul empty, and nerves on fire, my heart was broken.

I had officially failed at my life in New York City.  It was the only thing I ever wanted; to work in fashion.  To live on the Upper West Side.  To mingle with famous writers, actors, designers, and socialites.  To have a drink at lunch without judgement.

Then, I got it- and I ruined it.

Sure, most of those things are silly; but the career part was what hurt the most.  For some reason, however, at the time I didn’t realize I didn’t ruin anything.

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June 2016, 59th and Fifth.

I just took a break.

What I didn’t realize back in 2016 was that I didn’t need to purge all of my stuff to become “mindful.”  I didn’t need to abandon my love for style just because I needed to step back and work on myself for a while.  I didn’t need to drop my #OOTD pictures just to be a happy, confident person on the inside- for my fashion is no longer my mask.

It’s an expression.  

What used to be a shield of protection is now a bridge to connect with others.

Style connects.  Style speaks.  Style inspires.

That said, I have been thinking lately about starting on a few new projects on my off-work hours, and perhaps I’ll even start painting in color- not just gold.  🙂

Life is too short not to do the things you love- and it feels wonderful to be alive again.

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She’s back. June 2018.