Dream Big, Darling


As 2017 comes to a close, I’ve smudged away old regrets, lost dreams, and looked toward everything the future has to offer.  I’m ready to take on 2018… are you?

It’s easy to dwell on the past, old mistakes, or missed opportunities.  For years I didn’t even realize I was settling for less!  Instead of following my heart, I listened to the opinions of people who weren’t in alignment with me, questioned my abilities, or stayed quiet in fear of being misunderstood.  It took several years, a lot of lessons, and some encouragement to discover I didn’t need to believe in anything but myself. 

I hid my talents and creativity for years because I was afraid of being criticized.  It didn’t even occur to me that I may get positive feedback!  As a child, any recognition wasn’t worth the hurtful things I may have heard (keyword: may).  At seven years old I wrote and illustrated an entire collection of children’s stories called “Suey and Friends.”  Suey was a chipmunk who went on all sorts of adventures with her crew.  Each character had a unique personality, often based on dreams I had or friends of my own.  My mom still has those old pieces of paper somewhere back in Michigan… she believed in me and encouraged me to continue creating.  Although it was just a hobby to me, she always insisted we send them to agents or publishers.  Being the shy and insecure girl I was, I never agreed to it.

It’s been 25 years since my last Suey story, but if there’s one takeaway from this all, it’s that life is too short to hold back.

Today I would rather be criticized than miss an opportunity.

2018 is right around the corner, and I’m ready to take on the next steps of my life- whatever they may be.  2017 was an amazing year to focus on myself, develop a solid foundation, and decide what I truly wanted.  Big dreams no longer scare me, and hard work has become second nature.  The key to hard work is to follow your heart and do something you love.

Since moving on from Suey and friends, there’s a long list of things I have done as a middle finger to the people who hurt or second guessed me.  Although I didn’t do anything deliberately mean, I did my best to succeed, stand out, or surpass any doubts or negativity they threw my way.  I called off my engagement with a controlling engineer and moved to San Francisco, started a style blog in my hometown of people who bullied me, and pursued a marketing career in New York.  Things definitely didn’t go as planned, but that’s okay.  Although I am glad the anger and pain inspired my creativity, I learned one important lesson:

You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone but you.

When your intentions are pure, everything falls in place.  My life often fell apart because it wasn’t acting in alignment with my soul: I was simply doing things out of ego.  I no longer hold those old resentments or fear… and I can thank my spiritual practice and support system for giving me the strength to live my life with more love and compassion.

As you reflect on your goals for the future, remember to follow your heart; it will certainly take you a lot further than acting on ego or fear.  When you set your mind to it, you can have anything you want out of this crazy and beautiful life.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t.

What’s holding you back?

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Today I started my Sunday with coffee, conversation and a dose of Gabby Bernstein. She has been an inspiration to me through her spiritual teachings and explanations of energy, the universe and overall perspective.

Gabby put on a free New Year Breakthrough webinar to start 2017 off on the right foot, but more importantly, to help us make permanent changes to help manifest the amazing year we want to live.

She explained how the only New Year’s Resolution you need is to discover the root of the behavior or bad habit you want to change– and work on changing that behavior or attitude. Without acknowledging the “why” to the bad behavior, it’s impossible to consistently make improvements and change.

Gabby explained the five steps to healing, ultimately resulting in a true change in both your thoughts and behaviors. I took notes of what my own attitudes and behaviors were while she went through the steps:

1- What is the core belief or wound behind the bad habit?

Abandonment and rejection.

2- Look closely at the behavior behind the feeling or habit. What are your bad behaviors?

Since I’m afraid of abandonment and rejection, I find myself pushing people away, quitting activities or jobs, procrastinating, treating my body poorly and judging myself or others. Since I have these fears, I haven’t 1) reached my full potential 2) developed a meaningful romantic relationship or 3) found my niche in the workplace.

3- Become willing to heal.

In order to make changes, you first have to want it and be willing. If I consider asking for guidance, I’m taking a crucial step in radical self-forgiveness, healing and change. Letting go of ego, a defense mechanism for fear, is a huge part of my path to recovery- I have to let the negative thoughts go. I continue to run to avoid failure, which is blocking my path to healing.

4- Tapping method- tap on the struggle or behavior.

Gabby explained the Tapping Method, which is an Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). Doing a conscious “tapping” on our body will help to focus our energy on our current stress and acknowledge our willingness and capability to change.

More here:

5- Forgive who we were and accept who we are today!

Sure, 2016 was rough- but it’s a brand new year! We must remember that we have to be forgiving of ourselves, know that we did the best we could for the situation that was handed to us, and act differently in the future.

We must remember it is safe to let go of the past and to give it over. If we carry resentments today, we can’t receive the gifts of tomorrow.

“I forgive myself, I accept myself, I release who I used to be. I am new.” -Gabby Bernstein

In case you missed it, you can still check out Gabby’s webinar today at 4PM EST, 10PM EST or get a full replay.

Pick yourself up

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The holiday season has come and gone and a new year is upon us.

As December came to a close, I thought, “2016 wasn’t so bad.” I sat back for a moment and remembered the ups and downs; the times I felt lost, helpless and confused- but also how I felt when I picked myself back up.

This wasn’t a typical holiday season for me. I spent December 1st flying to Boston, my first week in Massachusetts interviewing for jobs, and my second week starting a new full-time role. While other people were busy preparing for Christmas, I was simply trying to get my life in order. Buying gifts, making holiday plans and traveling were the last things on my mind.

“I chose this life,” I kept reminding myself.

Moving to Boston was a gift in itself; after a hectic year I was ready for a fresh start. I’ve never been conventional, either. Traditions always gave me anxiety and social pressures made me avoid celebrations altogether. It’s not rare for me to spend the holidays away from my family… over the past eight years I’ve lived all over the country, far from the old traditions I grew up with.

That’s kind of how my whole life has been- an adventure and often a mystery. I’ve been searching for stability for the past few years, hoping to find my “niche” and place that feels like home. I have continually sought out people, places and things; but after things haven’t turn out how I’d hoped, I’ve learned to go with the flow.

I’ve also learned to be my own best friend.

As I am learning to be more mindful, I’ve come to realize the importance in staying positive and knowing that everything happens for a reason. Although I was lonely during the holidays, I used my free time to write and do the things I enjoyed. That time was used to make me stronger, prepare for the new year and learn that my own company is enough. Even after all the cross-country moves and times I have “started over,” it still takes time to accept that I won’t have a community overnight.

No matter what challenges you face, pick yourself back up and know that the best is yet to com. Even though I don’t know what 2017 has in store, I can’t wait to find out.

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