Living Authentically

According to Jean-Jacques Rousseau, authenticity is derived from the natural self, while inauthenticity is a result of external influences.  You know- the ego, societal expectations, and materialism.

So, what is your natural self?

When you stop holding onto the fear of what others think of you, the magic starts to happen:

Authenticity begins.

When you live your life authentically, things start to fall into place.  The right people and opportunities effortlessly find their way to you.  The weight of the world seems to fall away.

For years I tried to water down the person I was due to fear of what people had to say about me.  I would tone down my message, hold back my truth, or justify simple things simply because of what others may think.

Often times, I had no real evidence of what they were actually thinking.

As I began to accept the person I am, I stopped considering the opinions of others.  Sure, it is important for me to be kind and considerate, but I also know when I need to set personal boundaries.  I stopped trying to fit in and embraced what fits for me.

I wrote this back in 2017, when I began my journey of giving less F’s about everything else and caring more about me:

When you’re in alignment with the person you are meant to be, you won’t fit in like you did before.  You will see the world much clearer, more serene, and with a sense of purpose.  The noise from the outside world will no longer affect you so much and you will begin to find ways to improve the world around you, not complain about it.  As you continue to discover your true self, remember that the positives far outweigh the negatives.  Although it can be uncomfortable at first, keep doing you- you’ll thank yourself later. 

If you’ve spent years trying to please everyone around you, here’s the sign you need to break the habit and start remembering the most important person of all: yourself.

You Can Keep Your Opinion

I’m continuously baffled by the things that come out of other people’s mouths.

You can keep your opinion, but I don’t need it.

I’m talking about the small, petty things- things that are meant to critique others, bring them down, or to question themselves.  I won’t get too deep, but I’ll give a few examples that I heard in the past week:

“You should grow your hair out.”

“You should go without makeup.”

“You should wear more color.”

You know what I have to say?

“You need to stop shoulding on me.”

I struggle to recall times I’ve given such annoying suggestions to people.  I’ve never urged someone to change their style or to do something different with their appearance.  It’s just petty and, quite frankly, mean.

If people try and change the person you love (YOU!) then I would begin to question the people you surround yourself with.  My real friends like me for me- and those people love me for my black wardrobe, blonde bob, and pink lipstick.

You’re Not Responsible For What Others Think Of You

As I walked through the Harvard Coop the other day, I passed the self-help section for inspiration.  Per usual, something stuck out:

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Just when I needed it, this book struck me (and now I’m #1 on the waiting list to check it out at the library… more thoughts on it to follow!). 

Over the past few months I have been working on setting healthy boundaries, staying in my own lane, and speaking my mind without cowering down.  Not only have I been attracting people who have been in alignment with my values, people at a lower vibration haven’t been approaching me as often.  Some people in my life have even thanked me for my honesty; I’ve shared things they may not have said themselves and have helped to inspire them to be a little bit more transparent.

Although I’ve never thought of it this way, it’s a courageous act to put an end to relentless people pleasing.  As Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people.”

If I were to walk into a room with 10 people, there would be 10 different opinions of me. Do I need to take each one to heart?  Do I need to conform to please each and every one of these people?

Of course not- that would be silly.

One of the biggest freedoms I have found is being happy within my own skin, independent of what the outside world has to say.  One of my biggest joys is to connect with other people on a deeper, meaningful level, but it’s not possible to please everyone.

First, you must be comfortable within your own truth.

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