Giving Too Many F’s

Tonight I have Book Club- the first Book Club of my life that I willingly decided to go to.

My friend and old roommate, Brenda, coordinates a monthly gathering with a group of her friends.  Like any book club, they chat about life, nibble on snacks, and discuss the book, of course.  Last year, when I was still new to Boston, I was hesitant to join groups or get involved with activities while I was “figuring things out.”  It took me a long time to feel like meeting new people; it’s never fun to chat with a group of seemingly together human beings, all while thinking, “what the hell am I doing with my life?”

A year has gone by and I’ve been feeling better than ever.  Honestly, too- no more putting on a happy face for the sake of appeasing others.  I’m no longer insecure about where my life is headed, and I’m no longer shy about expressing what I want out of life- even when it’s drastically different than the norm.  As I meet new people, my honesty gets bolder and bolder, and like Brenda would say, “there’s no such thing as too much information.”

That brings me to the book of the month: “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.”

Now, what does this have to do with me and my sudden change of heart about Book Club?

Everything.

When I moved to Boston I gave too many fucks.  Too many f’s about what people thought about me, too many f’s about whether I was happy with my job or not, too many f’s about whether I should go out with that guy on Tinder.  I gave too many f’s about whether or not my family approved of me, about the things I did when I drank, how I looked in that picture someone posted on Facebook, or whether or not the blacks in my outfit matched close enough.

I gave too many fucks about everything.

When I started this blog, I didn’t have much.  I didn’t have the job I have now, the apartment, the friends, or the peace of mind.  But I did have one thing- fearlessness.

I had enough ups and downs, mistakes, failures, and embarrassing moments to be shamelessly vulnerable.  So, with three packed bags and nothing to lose, Mindful in Style was born in my little Airbnb.

A couple of days later, I got my first job in Boston and met Brenda.

It didn’t take me long to get back on my feet, but it definitely took some time to feel comfortable in my own skin, even though I was putting my heart and soul into my blog.  I still questioned myself as I pressed “publish” and second guessed myself quite often along the way- but I kept writing.

But today, I really don’t give a F what other people have to say.

Things will fall into place no matter what- the difference is, how are you reacting to life in the meantime?  Are you giving too many F’s and putting your energy toward things that don’t really matter?  Are you following the crowd even though it doesn’t make your heart happy? Are you worrying for the sake of worrying? 

Needless to say, things in my life have changed a lot- but it began with my mindset.  Would life be as great today if I had continued to give too many F’s?  Nope,  I don’t think they would be.

So tonight I’ll head back to my first Boston home- The Nest- and share my own experience with giving too many fucks, fearlessness, and the power of vulnerability.  Today, I’m no longer shy to share my experience with new people; in fact, I am excited see who connects with my story.  Book club is no longer something to avoid, but something to embrace- just like my own vulnerability.

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In other news, it’s the Red Sox Opening Day! I’m wearing my Sox gear to work to support The Jimmy Fund.  I may be a Giants fan, but I still can love the Sox (and why would anyone give a F? 😉 ).

Real Queens Fix Each Other’s Crowns

“Crown and anchor me, or let me sail away.”

Over the years I used to try to be what others wanted me to be.  This left me irritable, lost and confused.  I’ve roamed from state to state, city to city, looking for who my true self is.

I used to compromise my values for friendship, approval and love.  I looked for my crown in all the wrong places.

One person who has always anchored me, reminding me who my true self is, is my best friend.  We have faced the same struggles and have the same nervous thoughts when our anxiety gets the best of us.  We laugh about the same quirky things and have the same pet peeves.  Whenever I’m feeling a little uneasy, I know she will understand.

Near or far, the best friendships are the ones that know no distance.  Although we have both ventured from the shores of Lake Michigan, we always pick up exactly where we left off.

She’s given me the strength to be myself and to sail away from negative situations, thoughts and people.  I have found a sense of purpose in my passions, and she has supported me through it all.  

I’ve learned to raise my standards and rely on the universe.  Our thoughts are powerful, and I realized recently that I’m still trying to repair old relationships and habits that no longer suit me.  If I accept the way I am treated, then the universe will give me the old junk that is unhealthy.  I don’t have to live like that anymore.

Thanks to female strength and the women who have helped fix my crown, I no longer have to accept the things I did in the past.  “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.”  Today I will settle for more, reach high and find those people who will fix my crown- not try and take it, move it or change it.

“If you cannot find a good companion to walk with, walk alone, like an elephant roaming the jungle. It is better to be alone than to be with those who will hinder your progress.” -Buddha


Healing Through Art

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The arts have been a major part of my life ever since my earliest memories of drawing, creating handmade cards, writing poetry, and illustrating storybooks.  Creativity has also been an outlet for me to express my emotions, from drawing to daily fashion.

“Keeping it simple” is something I try to embody on a daily basis- life is such a complicated journey that it is imperative to stay grounded in order to stay sane.  While I used to love more of everything and a variety of anything, today I adore simple beauty and minimalism.  I decided not to complicate things and stick with white and gold- less is more.

With every brush stroke, I gained a little bit of strength and began to let go of insecurity, fear, and doubt.  A coach of mine once suggested the “post-it practice”- sticking affirmations on your walls or mirror- and ever since I have been mindful of writing down positive thoughts to remind myself every day that I am, indeed, enough.

This coach even put me in a hula-hoop and told me that the only thing I could control what was inside that hula-hoop: me.

Since I began painting I have also been inspired by so many amazing women in my life.  Their love has helped me gain confidence and heal, so I have started to make art for them, too.

Together, no matter what our struggles, we can help one another by sharing our own inspiration and journey.

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More here and on Instagram.