Love Yourself: The Importance of Speaking Your Truth

“Being yourself ” today can be a scary thing in a world of so many mixed messages, expectations, fear mongering, and marketing.  Just when it feels safe to speak up or “be yourself,” someone seems to shoot you down or makes you second guess that “you” you’ve been striving to embody.

Well, I’ve finally shed the final few things that have been holding me back from being my authentic self.  For me, the most important element of being “Kristin” is simple: it is speaking my truth.

I need to be in an environment where it is safe to surround myself with people who allow me to speak my truth and can benefit from my stories.

As I feel safer and safer to share my story and speak my truth on a daily basis, the easier life has become- and the more I have been able to be of service to others.

As some of you know, I have been sober on-and-off since April 8th, 2011.

I’ve never publicly written about this before in fear of being both isolated or grouped together with other “sober people.”  I don’t identify with any group, religion, or title- nor will I.  I’ve tried it, and it didn’t work.  You will never label Kristin or put her in a box.

Today, I am simply “Kristin, and I’ll take a coffee.”

My reasons today for not drinking are different than they were a few years, or even months, ago.  I used to say, “bad things happen when I drink,” or “my body can’t handle it.”  I used to make excuses, such as “I’m on medication” or “I’m on a diet,” but today, my answer is simple:

“I’m fine as I am.”

Over my seven years of sobriety, relapses, periods of thinking I was “normal,” and drinking for pure self-sabotage, I found one common theme:

I drank when I thought I couldn’t be myself.

Being “myself” used to be a scary thing.  I used to water myself down, drink away my thoughts, and numb out my emotions.  I used to fear my imagination.  My creativity used to scare me.  I was told “creatives are flaky” or “artists starve.”  Again, that’s society’s stereotype, their lack of understanding, and their inability to think, create, or live on their own.

I get by just fine doing things my way.  I tried to fit in their box, and it didn’t work- time and time again.  So, with a clear mind and a lot of lessons under my belt, I’ll try the alternatives and create on my own.

Don’t listen to the others if their way doesn’t work for you. 

Keep doing you.  Keep speaking your truth.  Your niche will find you.

Today, I wouldn’t want to water down any message; I want to be my authentic self to share my experience and strength with others.

I am happy to share that I finally love being myself- and I’ll do my best to help you love yourself, too.

If you think you have a problem a problem with drinking or need someone to talk to, please feel free to send me a message. You are never alone: kristinfehrman@gmail.com

Life Through A New Lens: Full Moon in Sagittarius

This morning I watched one of my favorite YouTubers, Melanie Beckler, give her weekly angel card reading for the May 29th Full Moon.  I’ve been following her closely for the past year- particularly her readings and meditations- and it’s been both eye-opening and comforting to see parallels with her guidance.

After soaking in her reading, I was left with a few messages about the upcoming Full Moon and how it relates to my own life:

  • It’s okay to ask for assistance- our guides and angels are here to support us;
  • We must let the past go to step into our true purpose; and
  • Once we understand who we truly are, we will live an abundant life.

In this particular reading, she ended with the Archangel Gabriel card- the angel of communication and creativity.  There has been no doubt in my mind that I have been lead by this powerful messenger angel; although I used to be timid or shy when speaking my truth, something bigger than me has given me the confidence and grace to speak up.  Keeping quiet never served me in the past, whether it was holding back in my writing or going with the values or morals of those around me instead of my own.

I’m just me.  So are you.

I often wonder if I have wasted my time or talents over the years because I did the things other people “expected” me to do.  However, that thought has shifted; each experience, whether valuable to my interests or not, has provided me a lesson to share with others.  I know what it’s like to move across the country multiple times, work a variety of different jobs, call off a wedding, live on hardly any money or material possessions, live with much more than I needed, yet most importantly- I have learned to be comfortable in my skin.

No matter where I am at mentally, physically, and emotionally, I have learned to be comfortable. To honor my feelings. To know I am okay just as I am.

That is the biggest lesson of all.

Situations will continue to appear in our lives until we can heal from the past and let go of the energies that no longer serve.  Even though I have cleared the major “junk” out of the way, there are little triggers that appear out of the blue to test me.  That’s okay; I just have to be mindful not to let those triggers trip me up, get me down, or stunt my growth.

Although Memorial Day weekend is coming to an end, I am relaxed, rejuvenated, and ready to see the world through a different lens; a lens of beauty, hope, and optimism.

The past is gone, and now we have tomorrow- and a beautiful Full Moon to enjoy.

Morning Magic

It was 5:05 AM as I opened my laptop and started to type.  I looked at my phone when I woke up, right before making a cup of coffee and settling in under four fleece blankets.  I received a text message from 12:25AM, which I clearly missed.

After eating chocolate chip cookies, working on my sketch comedy homework, and watching a few episodes of Master of None, I was fast asleep by 10PM.  My evenings are filled with reading, writing, and watching relatable comedies involving characters loosely based on themselves… which I know all too well.  More on that later.

This gem popped up on my Instagram feed from Andie Swim– too appropriate. 

Lately I’ve been thinking about how much I love mornings.  Many people whine about them and dread starting their day, but not me.  Nights often involve chaos, hedonism, regrets, but most of all- a constant search to fill a void.  Nights are full of anxiety, fear, and loneliness.

Mornings are the opposite.

For me, early mornings are a time of reflection, ideas, creativity, and wonder.  It’s my time.  No one else’s.  The world is still asleep, no one is bothering me, the drunk texts have stopped, and it’s a fresh, brand new day.

Once you finally “get good” within yourself and are comfortable in your own skin, you’ll no longer feel anxious about what you’re missing at night.  You’ll no longer toss and turn, worrying about tomorrow.  FOMO has slipped away, and you realize the most important thing you need to take care of is yourself.

I hope you’re having a beautiful Sunday morning… mine is easy, just like Lionel Richie’s.

Why in the world would anybody put chains on me?
I’ve paid my dues to make it
Everybody wants me to be what they want me to be
I’m not happy when I try to fake it.