Two years ago, after a magical and inspiring trip back to NYC, I realized working at my desk job wasn’t for me.
I went to work that Monday feeling discontent- my internal voice was telling me to create, especially after spending the day at the “Heavenly Bodies” exhibit at The Met. Full of life, beauty, and wonder, I felt more myself than I had in years- and it was apparent I needed to find a new path.
I had dinner with my landlord that evening, who told me “life is a stage, we are all actors.” Of course, the nature of our relationship made it clear he wanted me to continue with my stable job so I could afford rent- as would my father or any patriarchal figure in my life- yet my sacral authority was screaming, “create!”
I didn’t know how I would afford rent, but like always, I knew I’d find a way.
Authenticity has always been crucial in my life. If it doesn’t feel natural, it’s a challenge- which is why I stopped fashion blogging and styling items I wouldn’t actually wear back in 2016.
My heart and soul knew my creative talents were being wasted at a place that wasn’t appreciated, at a firm full of people who didn’t understand me- and I physically and mentally couldn’t produce work any longer. That’s the true 5-15 Channel in me.
Even before learning about my Human Design, I knew my intuition was strong- so for the past 12 years, my impulsive life choices were made by my sacral authority without even realizing it! The missed trains, those impulsive moves, and the gut feelings- they were all for a purpose.
So, the next day I called in to reflect. By the end of the afternoon, I had written my resignation letter.
I had no idea where my path would lead, but I knew it wasn’t at a Downtown Boston law firm.
Who had I been trying to prove? My father? My ex-boyfriend? The people I went to school with?
The only person I needed to prove anything to was myself.
I bought a sketch book and arranged all my inspiration on my bedroom floor. The following day, I quit my job after seeing a new set of angel wings by Hot Swat in Harvard Square along Church Street after taking the wrong way home. Pretty powerful.
If it weren’t for those wings I saw in Harvard Square as soon as I walked out of the unusual exit at the train station after work, I never would have called in that Tuesday.
There are many other events that happened in 2018 that inspired me to quit my job and start sketching, too.
Kate’s Spade’s death shook me- and her impact on my life was so apparent that even male friends I knew in passing over the years texted me about the news. Unaware of her battle with mental health, her passing inspired me to share the truth behind the clothes and my looks.
Had I not relapsed after my new art project didn’t manifest as soon as I wanted it to, I wouldn’t have been forced to take a pause to heal and dig deeper into my own story. Unlike summer of 2018, today I understand it’s not about the end product, but it’s about the joy in the journey.
Similar Kate Spade, I wanted to bring joy to others, but forgot to find the joy in my own life. I began being an actor once again- working jobs that weren’t aligned with my purpose, sipping alcohol again, and pretending I was “fixed” when I still had a long road ahead.
My personal struggles wouldn’t have inspired me to purge what no longer served in my closet, and my life. Through sharing who we really are- whether it’s at work or in our personal relationships- we are able to align with opportunities and people who are truly meant for us.
Sure, a colorful or shiny facade is pretty, but what happens when the colors fade? What is underneath?
Is the foundation strong like a rock, or will it float away in the breeze like a feather?
Hence, why I decided to start painting on rocks- and my three and a half years of life lessons are reflected on the messages I share throughout town.
I may not be an actor in my own life, but I have decided to write my own future- and thanks to a simple sign and a few twists and turns along my path, I gained the confidence to do so.