You Don’t Need to Have Everything Figured Out at 25

The one thing they don’t teach in school is that you aren’t supposed to know where your life is going when you graduate at, say, 22.

Sure, it’s important to have some sort of direction, but how do you know after two decades of life what you really want?

Ten years ago, I was living in San Francisco, working as an office manager at a tech company. I had a boyfriend who worked in finance and usually hung out with his group of college friends from UC Berkeley more than him (they were more fun). I lived with two roommates down the street from said boyfriend in Russian Hill. My life was one big routine, the day in and the day out, so I found other ways to entertain myself.

So, I began writing.

Whether it was a Yelp review or blog post about an event I went to (I did a lot of events and promo work in my 20’s), I was happiest when I was sharing with the world.

Nevertheless, underneath the surface I thought my relationship had to “go somewhere.” I thought my job defined me and my success. I worried my Central Michigan University degree wasn’t good enough compared to everyone in the Bay Area with more impressive degrees than me. I constantly compared myself to other people and their success.

My boyfriend and I broke up that summer of 2010 and I quit my job in the fall. Back to square one, I continued to write, struggled with finances, and drank too much, but I knew I was closer to what I was supposed to be doing than sitting at an office desk five days a week (minus the drinking).

Through a lot of experiences, trial and error, and life lessons, 10 years later I still don’t know what direction my life will take. That’s the beauty of life- the unexpected surprises.

~

I’ve spent the past month spending a lot of time working on my coaching business, starting a new job at a wellness center, and writing, of course. Unlike my decisions to quickly find a job that looked good but wasn’t fulfilling, I waited to find something aligned with my overall goals and vision for the future.

My own experiences and lessons have lead me on a path of helping other people live a healthy, balanced life of purpose and joy, especially young women. However, whether you’re 20 or 70, it’s never too late to make a positive change in your life.

I’ve talked with and interviewed various women these past few months, learning what fuels their own passions. One woman left her corporate job at 55 to open a bakery. A friend of mine from Connecticut lost her stomach at age 17 and later channeled her energy through art, writing, and theatre- and even created her own one-woman show off Broadway (which I got to see back in 2014).

The common denominator between all of the people I have talked to is how their own experiences shaped their decisions- and because of these experiences, they were able to contribute something to the world. Something they couldn’t have contributed had they not experienced what they went through.

So, you really can’t tell me that you’re supposed to know where your life is going at 25.

Why would you want to?

Bachelorette

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Ah, another holiday weekend has passed.  Whether you spent it with family, friends, working, or enjoying the company of yourself, I hope it was as relaxing as mine was!

I joked the other day that I was having a Cat Lady Christmas, but after Bernice knocked over my coffee, dumped colored pencils into her litter box, and scratched a hole though my sweater, I decided it wasn’t a “cat lady” Christmas after all.

It’s a Bachelorette Christmas.

I ordered a pizza, breadsticks, and salad to prove it.

Could I picture having a pet to come home to every day?  No.  Am I responsible enough to clean up after it, play with it, take it to the vet, and be sure I actually do come home to feed it?  No.

I don’t remember the last time I bought actual groceries, unless you’re talking about pre-made dinners or odds and ends like cereal, almond milk, and yogurt.

Sure, I like pets… the same way I like kids.  I enjoy them for a period of time, but then I can give them back.  No, I am no cat lady.  I am not an old maid or a spinster, either.

I am a Bachelorette.

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Always seeking magic.

Let’s think about it for a minute.  While many women dream of white picket fences and starting a family, I dream of high rise apartments, writing a best-selling novel, solo vacations, and excitement.  While people are celebrating an engagement, marriage or new baby, I am celebrating moving to a new city, getting a new job, or buying an expensive handbag.

Sure, those who are coupled-up celebrate these things, too- but they often do it together.  I do everything alone (and I love it).

I thought these things were a phase; that once I hit a certain age my nomadic life would be set aside and I would invest in starting a family.  That entails settling on a place to live, buying real furniture and putting someone else’s needs above (or equal to) mine. Hmmm.  I am not sure about that.

I enjoy my alone time, my career, writing and life experiences.  I’d absolutely love to find a partner who I can do those things with- or someone who would support me or live the same type of life I want.

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A gutsy girl, a bookworm. I am many things… but I will never be put in a box.

My American Dream is having a beautiful place in the city, a job I enjoy, the arts at my fingertips, enjoying amazing food and spending it with a loyal, supportive, loving partner.  I don’t have a desire for “stuff,” a car, 2.5 kids and dozens of people around me.

I want to live simply and happily- and I want someone who feels the same.

Over the past year I have begun to value minimalism, mindfulness and quality over quantity.  I never want to live in the suburbs and try to “keep up with the Jones’s,” nor can I picture getting married for the sake of getting married.  I won’t settle.

Until I find my own American Dream, I will consider myself a Bachelorette.  It’s a pretty good life, especially when you get to eat pizza on Christmas.

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Let Freedom Ring! 4th of July 2015.