Categories
self discovery

Onion Layers

PSA: It may sound like I’m talking about groceries, but don’t be fooled- I’m not.

Have you ever pushed your feelings down so deeply that they come up to the surface all at once?

Me too!

This morning I found myself thinking I was frustrated with one thing, only to discover I was peeling 10 layers of an onion.  When I went to talk to someone about it, 10 more layers unfolded.

At this point I’m a complete crying mess full of impending doom (and those weren’t actual onion tears, either).

But today, I am able to honor even the uncomfortable feelings- because I’m learning to get through them.  I’m proud of myself for not running from my feelings like I used to.

People are often used to me smiling and spreading good cheer.  It makes them feel funny when I’m not that person they’ve grown to know.  However, I’ve learned that holding in your feelings and frustrations doesn’t serve anyone.

I’ve spent my entire life acting, pretending everything is just dandy.  I’ve worn a mask of having everything “all together,” only to fall apart like a house of cards.  For over a decade, I’ve simply moved cities, changed jobs, and left relationships when times get tough.

But not today.

Today, I’m going to keep pushing through the discomfort.

Categories
self discovery

Nine Lives

Like a cat, I have seemed to live nine lives.

Time and time again, I have found myself running- running from what others thought of me, running from what I thought of myself, and running from who I was afraid I may may become.

It took a decade of running to discover I was exactly who I needed to be all along.

From moving to San Francisco in 2008 to living in Boston ten years later, I realized I brought myself with me everywhere I went. No “geographic cure” could be the remedy, nor could “recreating” myself change who I was on the inside.

I may have fallen nine times, but I’ve always managed to land on my feet- and today, I’m grateful to sit still.