I’m still coming down from all of the creative and inspirational energy I took in from my last trip to NYC. Wow! From the moment I saw the skyline to the feeling I had while driving out of the city, the weekend was nothing but magic.
One of my favorite moments from my trip back to New York was when I arrived at Queensboro Plaza and noticed all the synchronicity around me.
From the number “7” (which had been following me around all weekend) to the purple color of the train line, it seemed like everything was a sign.
A sign I’m on the right path. A sign for my next steps. A sign telling me I am fine as I am.
After my trip, my perception changed; not just about the city, but about my own life. It occurred to me that I wasn’t living up to my own potential because outside voices have been holding me back. As a result, my dreamer (and sometimes grandiose) nature has second guessed herself, creating her own negative voices inside her head.
So, I stopped listening.
My path has been anything but traditional, and although I’ve attempted to go the “traditional route,” something has always blocked me from fitting in. It used to be my own self sabotage and issues with self esteem, alcohol, and emotions- however, as of the past year, it’s been because I have been standing up for what I believe in.
I came to Boston to fearlessly look in the mirror and step into the person I am meant to be- without distractions- so the last thing I will allow in my life is someone or an institution to cause me to step backwards.
Most recently, my passion for helping people and inspiring others to see life through a new lens has caused quite a bit of discontentment with the “3D world.” Our society as a whole isn’t quite ready to see life through a new light, but I know there is a place and purpose for me to share my story and strength.
Some people just want to sit in their own misery, though.
This brings me to the whole theory of the “imposter syndrome.” It makes me wonder how many people wake up in the morning, put on their suit or shiny heels, and honestly can go in thinking they’re a “professional.” As if putting on a show and acting for the sake of a paycheck is any way to live. To think living for the weekend or retirement is the only way to live.
Sorry to say, boys and girls, but that’s how our society is programmed. It’s pathetic.
Personally, I would rather live a short life that is full of, well, life. A life of purpose, not routine.
How many of those people feel restricted? How many of those people know they have better ways to spend their day? How many have talents to give but never will, all because society is telling them their dreams are silly?
I have no idea, but I’m done pretending.
I was told to “tone down” my personality and to leave personal talk at home. That’s fair. However, that’s not the environment God wants for me. I wasn’t given talents to shuffle papers and follow some man’s rules to make him feel superior.
I wasn’t given the gift of a grit-filled past with a touch of grace to simply keep quiet.
My story is meant to be shared.
What’s my next step? I’m not sure. However, I am confident my work will be of use to many people- so I am done holding back.
I am ready for my answer, and my next big adventure.