Protecting Yourself

Something strange happened last week.  In the middle of my morning commute, a man started yelling on the train.  I’m no stranger to disrupters on public transit or unstable people shouting profanities, but this man was shouting directly at me.  

“Bitch,” “snob,” “rich asshole.”

I felt sick to my stomach.  Hidden behind my sunglasses on the train, I tried to look away, but couldn’t help it.  I looked over.

“That snobby bitch knows I’m talking about her!”

My heart started to race as I quickly turned my head in the other direction.  I looked down at my $5, falling apart Primark commuting shoes.  I thought about the $40 that was currently in my bank account.  I thought about all the struggles I’ve faced these past few months, and how grateful I was to have a job to commute to.

I hardly felt like a snob.  In fact, I felt extremely self conscious for wearing the same dress two days that week, and for my shredding black ballet flats.  I wanted to yell back, or maybe cry, but mainly my gut told me to gracefully sit there and ignore him.  Everyone on the train could think what they wanted- I’d rise above it.

I’ve thought about the train incident a lot this past week.  Although it was embarrassing and even a little scary, it taught me a lesson.  For years- ever since grade school- I’ve hid behind my own mask in one form or another.  Whether it was through success, relationships, clothing, or creating, I wasn’t comfortable showing who I really was in fear of being rejected or judged.  I couldn’t handle criticism, so I avoided and hid.

It’s interesting to reflect on pain, and how it shaped the person you have become.

The bullies were what gave me my aloof shell- to walk fast, to focus on myself, and to ignore.  

The rejection from my peers is what gave me the strength to be independent, to move to new places, to embrace my uniqueness, and to focus on my creative side.  

Being called “ugly” in junior high made me determine what I thought was beautiful within myself, so I stuck with my own look and style that made me feel good.

My broken family is what gave me the ability to adapt, to embrace change, to live adventurously, and to make a home out of anywhere I go. 

Perhaps some may perceive a quick thinking, fast walking, all-black wearing, cut-to-the-chase type of woman as someone who is cold and indifferent, but in my case, it helps to keep me safe.  My protective shell has been there with me through long NYC nights, cross country moves, career disappointment, heartbreak, failure, and shame.  It has helped me rise up, start again, and pick up where I left off- but better.

My past may not have been easy, but it has made me strong.  Others can think what they want, but they will never know what’s behind someone else’s shell unless they open their minds and hearts.

Getting Into Alignment

My life over this past year has been proof that my thoughts and attitude determines my future.  I’ve experienced both the good and the bad, and upon reflecting on the outcomes, I discovered a common link: my perception.

Doubt, uncertainty, and worries are a natural part of the human condition, but you know what?  They don’t serve.

I’ve noticed that when I view the world as the beautiful place that it is, good things continually happen to me.  When I stop trying to control the outcome, I receive unexpected messages, meet kind people, find new opportunities, and feel better.  

It starts with focusing on how you want to feel and truly believing in what is in your heart.  Push logic aside, think about what your authentic self wants, and take action.

When I view this world as magical place and when I envision myself as free and prosperous, my life begins to flow.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Abraham Hicks these past couple of weeks and thought about Esther’s insight on getting into the “vortex.”  I used to focus so deeply on what I didn’t want, only to find a chaotic world around me.  

A friend of mine shared her experience about this the other day.  She told me that everyone doubted her as she applied for nursing school; she said everyone laughed and said she would never get in.  Despite her grades, she believed so deeply in her heart that she would get into one of the best schools here in Boston.  She did.  

If you’re in alignment with what is in your heart, and you truly believe in what your soul is telling you, the universe will deliver.  It’s plain and simple.  However, if you continually compare yourselves to others and try to fit into what society tells you, you’re no longer in alignment; you’re pushing your intuition aside and stepping out of the vortex that Abraham describes.

I’d love to hear any stories you have about the law of attraction working in your own lives.  Ask, believe, receive!

Today, I want to feel good, create, learn, and love.  Instead of focusing on the past or worrying about the future, I intend to follow my heart, open my arms to abundance, and listen to what the universe is trying to tell me. 

It’s Not What You Do, It’s How You Feel

“But Kristin, don’t the things you do make you feel good?”

Of course they do.  Your happiness doesn’t depend on them, though.

Happiness is about a feeling within yourself. 

The good news is, you’re in control of those feelings.

Think about this: imagine how it makes you feel when you connect with an old friend or family member on the phone.  You experience joy, contentment, and happiness- right?   You may not be together, but you feel connected.  It’s a good feeling.

So then imagine when you’re scrolling through social media and comparing your life to what everyone else is “doing” around you.  It looks like they’re having fun, doesn’t it?  Chances are likely that they are indeed enjoying themselves, but it’s also likely that you were just as fulfilled (if not more) by connecting with that old friend than they were by surrounding themselves with a group of people.   These people may be going and doing, but often times I’ve felt more alone in a crowd than I have by myself.

You know the feeling of excitement before an event or big day?  It’s like that.  The actual event is usually not as great as the feelings leading up to it.  Hold on to those feelings and stop worrying about the outcome!

Society isn’t aware of how attached we as humans are to what is happening in the physical realm; to what is happening on the outside.  When I have connected with old feelings of joy or peace, I have felt content in the present moment.  Also, when I connect with the the now, the beauty around me, and the joy in the journey, I stop wondering about tomorrow and worrying about plans.

Life just begins to flow.

If you want to find peace in today, think of what makes you happy.  Go with the feeling, not the circumstance.  You’ll raise your vibration and attract even more likeminded people and situations.  Songs, smells, food, books, and places are wonderful for this.

I recently relocated back to the north side of the Charles River, which is where I first lived when I moved to Boston.  A huge wave of relief came over me as I got off at the Davis Square stop.  Although nothing particularly great happened to me on that evening at the train station, but it brought back a feeling of contentment that I somehow lost during my brief time in Brookline.  Is Brookline a bad place?  Did horrible things happen to me there?  No, but it was attached to negative emotions, low vibrations, and unhappy feelings.  I re-connected with the joy and optimism that I had when I first arrived in Boston- the feelings of hope, happiness, and a clean slate.

Every day we are new.

My happiness wasn’t dependent on my circumstances, but they were dependent to my feelings and my reactions.  You, too, have the ability to let go of past pain, doubt, and negativity- just hold on to the positive feelings, open your arms to abundance, and watch what happens.