I caught myself in a wicked web- and I’m not talking about Halloween spiderwebs.
No, I’m referring to a web of lies that went out of control- lies I knew at the time would bite me in the butt, just like a spider, actually.
I didn’t mean it. I went along with assumptions about me and what my life in Boston was like, quickly to realize I was stuck. With a new job opportunity and people supporting a path I wasn’t sure I wanted to take, I realized I wasn’t being authentic.
I was doing and saying things to please other people, not doing what was in my heart.
Half truths, I realized I need to have a conversation with one of my good friends. A face to face conversation. A conversation that may leave me with my tail between my legs, but would set me free.
Looking to re-integrate into the community, I began to connect with people and tried to appear much stronger than I am. I didn’t want anyone to view my abrupt move as a weakness, to offer me help, or to view me as broken.
Things didn’t exactly leave off pretty in Boston. I quit my job, I left my apartment, and packed my things up with my mom. It wasn’t a move I expected, but it was the perfect time for me to come home nevertheless.
As I look at what aligns with my heart and my goals for my life in Michigan, there’s a lot of things I may have done in the past to gain acceptance- but today I don’t have to do those things.
I know what works for me for my social life, my sobriety, and my overall mental health. I know who is supportive, what I want, and where I see my life going. Dishonesty doesn’t please people at all, and it especially won’t make me feel content.
Oh, the tangled webs we weave- but now I can unwind them and be true to myself.