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conscious living self discovery

Without the Show, This is Humanity

Today I came across this soothing shot, taken spring 2015 on 98th Street outside my Upper West Side apartment. 

Without the restaurants, shows, and Fifth Avenue shops, what is New York City?

Without the downtown bookstores, film crews, quirky dives, coffee shops, and comedy clubs, what is New York City? 

Without the tourism, the busy streets, the style, and the glamour, what is New York City?

New York City is humanity. 

New York City is quiet days of reflection in the park. It’s sitting on a bench and watching the squirrels.  It’s the creatives and the dreamers. It’s laughter and joy.

It’s clapping outside your window to honor the healthcare workers who have put their own health on the line. 

New York City is coming together. 

The best memories I have of my years in New York City weren’t the clothes I wore or the food I ate. It wasn’t the guys I dated or the celebrities I met. As much as I loved the entertainment and the opportunities, I also embraced the solitude; the anonymity combined with the feeling of never being alone. 

The best memories were the moments I learned, grew, and connected- and shared stories with others who felt just as lost, broken, yet hopeful as I did.

Without the show, New York City is full of soul.

The show will eventually go on, but with a different tone. After this time of reflection, uncertainty, loss, and fear, there will also be growth. There will be realizations.

Humanity will come together again, and hopefully, we notice those bright lights and glittery scenes in a new, healthier way.

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self discovery

Some Perspective About Using Your Time Productively During the Coronavirus Pandemic

While I went through my own personal crisis in my late 20’s and early 30’s I learned a lot of things.

Needless to say, I have my own perspective on the state of the world and its reaction to the Coronavirus.

I almost died more times than I can count. I went to the hospital with a BAC a of .6 and was told later I shouldn’t have lived. I’ve been taken out of work functions (plural) in an ambulance.

Yes, I did this all to myself, but it was a byproduct of unresolved trauma and pain. So, I started to work on it. It wasn’t pretty, and new issues pop up all the time. Today I can handle those issues productively.

Would you guess I’m heading to the airport after a 30 day stint in a Mississippi rehab? Probably not, but I started Mindful in Style two weeks later.

I understand there is a universe all order to life. I understand I had a reason to live. So I kept writing, and I kept growing.

Now that we’re in the midst of a global crisis, I can use these lessons and help others. It might not be much, and I may not be able to solve anyone’s health or financial problems, but if I can shed just a little bit of light, then you may understand why I’m so passionate about writing my not-so-pretty experiences.

I’m sure a lot of people won’t agree with my perspective, and that’s okay. Since I already stay home the majority of the time I’m not working (and the other is spent by myself or with a friend outside), I intend to spend this time completing my v-steam course, finishing my book, and reaching out to literary agents.

How will you use this time?

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self discovery

Trial and Error: The Life of a 4/6 in Human Design

It’s hard to believe I just learned about Human Design a few short weeks ago.

On an ordinary day, a friend (who happens to be my birthday twin) texted me about her recent obsession with her Human Design chart. What was she talking about? I quickly Googled, only to discover a whole new world- the world of Human Design.

Using figures such as birth date, time, and city, each person in this world has a unique blueprint of their design- a design composed of energy centers (which are defined or undefined), gates, and channels. Every person also has a type, an inner authority, definition, and a profile.

I used MyBodyGraph for my chart, which saves all your information when you create an account, but I also like using Jovian Archive and Health Manifested, too. Each property of my Human Design chart took some time to look up- from learning what my open Head and Anja centers mean to discovering how to respond as a Manifesting Generator- but it’s a fun study I could spend days reading up on.

One of the most fascinating parts of my chart was learning my “Profile,” which is comprised of two number lines, each giving important composites that describe someone’s qualities. My Profile is a 4/6, the “Opportunist Role Model,” which is known for its three stages of life-

Stage 1 happens from birth to roughly age 30 (around the Saturn Return). During this time, there are strong 3rd line vibes of discovery-based learning and bonds made and broken.

Stage 2 roughly begins after the Saturn Return is over and lasts until the Chiron Return, approximately ages 30-50. During this time, there’s the opportunity to retreat and heal, and to reflect in order to gain a bit of perspective around all that happened during the first 30-ish years.

Stage 3 begins after the Chiron Return and lasts as long as we do. During this point in time, the 6th line has turned experience into wisdom via their reflection and is now ready to reengage with life armed with lessons learned via lived experience.

Here’s how this three-stage process looks for the 4/6:

The 6th line’s goal during stage 1 is to gather and collect experiences via trial and error. During this time, the 4th line craves stability and a solid foundation, so typically the things the 6th line is willing to try is in pursuit of this stability. This stage is all about lessons learned, so not every attempt at stability will be successful…but that’s just part of the discovery process.

The 6th line’s goal during stage 2 is to provide time for reflection and healing, and allow for the perspective that comes with distance. This is when the 4th line finally gets the stability it craves, as career, friends and family start to be called in.

The 6th line’s goal during stage 3 is completing the final step where experience through reflection becomes wisdom, and that wisdom can now be applied in a far more frequently successful way. Over the course of your life, as you gain more experience and hold space to reflect on that experience to acquire valuable perspective, 4/6s are able to get the head and the heart on the same page far more easily and more often.

This is especially pertinent to me as a former city-hopper, career-changer, and serial dater. Until moving home to Michigan in October, I was consistently out of alignment with what was in my heart- but that wasn’t a flaw. It was because I was in my first phase of life- the trial and error phase. When I started Mindful in Style back in 2016, I was beginning to gather the lessons I had learned over the years and started to write about the new ones as I experienced them- which is written all over my chart (no pun intended).

Based on my design, I was never meant to stay at one job, settle down after college, or find my partner in my 20’s. I was meant to move around, learn lessons, make mistakes, and discover important truths based on my experiences- not textbooks or from living out societal norms.

My inner authority, Sacral, is that ping in my stomach which tells me “uh huh” or “uh uh” when making decisions- and throughout my entire life, I’ve followed it. When my gut told me to call of my wedding, I did it. When I made the choice to move to New York, I went for it. When leaving a job seemed like the right thing to do, I didn’t hesitate.

My decisions have never been based on logic or facts, but that inner voice advising me which direction to go. While some people may not understand this, other empaths and those with sacral authority think it makes perfect sense. My open head and anja centers deliver information to me, while my defined spleen guides me through my intuition.

I have always known I would be okay, too- no matter what other people have told me. It’s that inner authority telling me so.

Based on my design, I was always meant to spread my wings and fly, only to return to the nest to heal and retreat (which is the beginning of my second stage), write about what I’ve learned, and continue to follow the path as my life manifests.

I don’t know what my tomorrows will bring, but thanks to my Human Design chart, I know I’m following the authentic path designed for me- a path only I need to understand, too.

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self discovery

You Don’t Need to Have Everything Figured Out at 25

The one thing they don’t teach in school is that you aren’t supposed to know where your life is going when you graduate at, say, 22.

Sure, it’s important to have some sort of direction, but how do you know after two decades of life what you really want?

Ten years ago, I was living in San Francisco, working as an office manager at a tech company. I had a boyfriend who worked in finance and usually hung out with his group of college friends from UC Berkeley more than him (they were more fun). I lived with two roommates down the street from said boyfriend in Russian Hill. My life was one big routine, the day in and the day out, so I found other ways to entertain myself.

So, I began writing.

Whether it was a Yelp review or blog post about an event I went to (I did a lot of events and promo work in my 20’s), I was happiest when I was sharing with the world.

Nevertheless, underneath the surface I thought my relationship had to “go somewhere.” I thought my job defined me and my success. I worried my Central Michigan University degree wasn’t good enough compared to everyone in the Bay Area with more impressive degrees than me. I constantly compared myself to other people and their success.

My boyfriend and I broke up that summer of 2010 and I quit my job in the fall. Back to square one, I continued to write, struggled with finances, and drank too much, but I knew I was closer to what I was supposed to be doing than sitting at an office desk five days a week (minus the drinking).

Through a lot of experiences, trial and error, and life lessons, 10 years later I still don’t know what direction my life will take. That’s the beauty of life- the unexpected surprises.

~

I’ve spent the past month spending a lot of time working on my coaching business, starting a new job at a wellness center, and writing, of course. Unlike my decisions to quickly find a job that looked good but wasn’t fulfilling, I waited to find something aligned with my overall goals and vision for the future.

My own experiences and lessons have lead me on a path of helping other people live a healthy, balanced life of purpose and joy, especially young women. However, whether you’re 20 or 70, it’s never too late to make a positive change in your life.

I’ve talked with and interviewed various women these past few months, learning what fuels their own passions. One woman left her corporate job at 55 to open a bakery. A friend of mine from Connecticut lost her stomach at age 17 and later channeled her energy through art, writing, and theatre- and even created her own one-woman show off Broadway (which I got to see back in 2014).

The common denominator between all of the people I have talked to is how their own experiences shaped their decisions- and because of these experiences, they were able to contribute something to the world. Something they couldn’t have contributed had they not experienced what they went through.

So, you really can’t tell me that you’re supposed to know where your life is going at 25.

Why would you want to?

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self discovery

Do Unmarried Women Really Live Longer?

Valentine’s Day has come and gone- the day full of Hallmark cards, chocolates, flowers, and sweet nothings.

If you’re unattached like I am, it’s another day to love yourself, eat candy, and remind your friends you care. I sent cards to far-away gal pals, bought a stuffed animal for my cat, and made myself scallops and fries on Valentine’s Day; sounds pretty perfect, right?

Lately it seems my friends are more concerned about me finding a date than I am. It’s usually the married ones. I just smile and say I’m not looking- however, I am open. I won’t rule anything out. Nevertheless, going on dating apps and searching for a partner isn’t of interest to me.

I like my life how it is, and I don’t want anyone to change that.

The truth is, I am not looking for a relationship. When I meet someone who matches my energy, however, I may reconsider.

Dating at 35 is much different than in your 20’s. Since being in my 20’s, I’ve seen friends marry, have kids, and get divorced. I’ve watched them have affairs and stay in unhappy marriages. I’ve had friends vent to me about their sexless love life and tell me they’re envious how I’ve been able to do what I want.

Well, it’s because I choose to live this way.

In your 20’s and even your 30’s, many people look for a partner because they think that’s what “you’re supposed” to do. But when you realize partnership may not be all it’s cracked up to be, you chose to love yourself first.

~

An article popped up in my feed this morning that I couldn’t help but share. I’m sure many of my Facebook friends would disagree, but I couldn’t help but wonder- are single women wasting their energy looking for a partner when their happiness has nothing to do with whether or not they’re coupled up?

Are they just searching to compromise, to have their identity shattered, and to settle for less than what they dreamed of?

You see a single woman of 40, who has never had children – ‘Bless, that’s a shame, isn’t it? Maybe one day you’ll meet the right guy and that’ll change.’ No, maybe she’ll meet the wrong guy and that’ll change. Maybe she’ll meet a guy who makes her less happy and healthy, and die sooner,” (Paul Dolan) reasoned during the panel.

Many celebrities and public figures agree, especially Gloria Steinem. “The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women,” the famous feminist once stated.

Maggie Parker, Parade Magazine

Maybe unmarried women really do live longer. Maybe they don’t. Whatever the case, I can say the key to living a fulfilling life is to do what makes your soul happy- so if that’s going home to your cat or to a house full of people, do that. Everyone is different.

Listen to yourself.