Being tolerant is really tough.
I can’t lie- it’s my natural state to isolate or avoid people I don’t like. When I’m in a situation that isn’t pleasant, I usually find a way to change it.
Why else do you think I’ve moved so many times these past 11 years?
(In case you didn’t know, it’s a lot- I’ve lived in 7 different states and in seemingly endless apartments.)
Today I am learning to accept things as they are. I don’t have to like them, but I do need to learn a new way of thinking in order to be content.
My first reaction to an unpleasant person or situation is to run away, but I don’t have to do that anymore. Today I am free to just be.
It might be uncomfortable, but it’s a relief to know that I don’t have to run away.
PSA: It may sound like I’m talking about groceries, but don’t be fooled- I’m not.
Have you ever pushed your feelings down so deeply that they come up to the surface all at once?
This morning I found myself thinking I was frustrated with one thing, only to discover I was peeling 10 layers of an onion. When I went to talk to someone about it, 10 more layers unfolded.
At this point I’m a complete crying mess full of impending doom (and those weren’t actual onion tears, either).
But today, I am able to honor even the uncomfortable feelings- because I’m learning to get through them. I’m proud of myself for not running from my feelings like I used to.
People are often used to me smiling and spreading good cheer. It makes them feel funny when I’m not that person they’ve grown to know. However, I’ve learned that holding in your feelings and frustrations doesn’t serve anyone.
I’ve spent my entire life acting, pretending everything is just dandy. I’ve worn a mask of having everything “all together,” only to fall apart like a house of cards. For over a decade, I’ve simply moved cities, changed jobs, and left relationships when times get tough.
But not today.
Today, I’m going to keep pushing through the discomfort.
Taxi cabs, loud voices, and the shoving of people in a crowd- it sometimes seems impossible to stay calm in life’s chaos. There’s two types of chaos I can experience in my daily life- the hustle of the city and the ongoing stimulation of others around me.
At times, I would simply like to sit quietly by the water or live in a place without so many people or complications- yet my heart lies in the city.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about staying calm through the chaos life can bring. From gossip to managing room of students, both my personal and professional life can wear me down at the blink of an eye.
So, how does one keep their balance?
Somehow I have managed to retreat to my own little world- a world where I am limitless, peaceful, and content. A world where I find solace in my creativity, music, and nature. A world where I am able to communicate with something much bigger than me. A world where I live with purpose.
So, whether you’re frazzled at work or in the middle of an argument, remember to take a deep breath and look within. You’ll be surprised at the solace and can find within yourself.