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empowerment self discovery

Keep Doing You

Lately I have been seeing a lot of propaganda online about what is on trend, what not to wear and worse, what men want you to do and how they want you to look.  From how to act to what to shave, I have begun holding silly resentments at those articles and the people who wrote them.  At the risk of sounded bitter or jaded, I’ve got to say- who cares “what men want?”

I would rather be alone forever than change for someone else.

This is probably why I have been single for nearly three years; I am quite stubborn and fiercely independent.  I’ll run away when things don’t work out instead of staying in an unhappy relationship.  Appropriately, my editor at Thought Catalog wrote this article that popped up in my Facebook feed, which couldn’t be more perfect for today’s sentiments.

I have dabbled with dating apps while living in Boston, only to have a few dry conversations and less-than-stellar dates.  Nothing has stuck… not even a good laugh or a friendship.  It’s always the same thing- “how do you like Boston?” “What do you do for work?” “You seem to move a lot.” “Do you ever take off your sunglasses?”

Stop.  Better yet, I need to stop.

I’ve felt judged and belittled, which is all on me.  This certainly isn’t a period of my life where my stress level can tolerate dating, what others think of me or the “big picture.”  I need to focus on myself and the now.

I’ve repeatedly thought, “maybe this time will be different,” hoping to find a diamond in the rough.  Dating used to come naturally for me, but at 30-something I continually find disappointment.  It’s just not time yet.  I’ve run back to unhealthy past relationships because I know what I’m going to get, which just fuels the insanity.

After talking with a good friend on Sunday about our shenanigans, we came to the conclusion that we both just need to focus on ourselves.  Old traumas are brought to the forefront when I meet people who try and change me for their own fancy, something I didn’t really acknowledge until this past spring.  While it would be nice to have a buddy to do things with, explore the east coast, drink coffee with in the morning and talk to at night, I have plenty on my plate to keep my life full.

Until the day I do meet my best friend who compliments my life, not try to change it, I’ll continue to focus on myself, my career, my friendships, and my oversized sunglasses.

Categories
empowerment

Raise Your Standards


I’ve never been one to settle- settling down, settling for less, settling for something I knew wasn’t right for me.

However, I’ve definitely lowered my standards- even if it was only temporary.

In the past, I have accepted the way I have been treated by others even though I knew I deserved better.  I have communicated what I wanted or needed at the moment, yet felt guilty for expressing my true feelings.  I used to take all of the blame when things didn’t work out.

I spent Sunday with a dear friend, who told me about the weekend she had with a guy she has been seeing.  She already had a rough week and his behavior made her feel uncomfortable.  He was impatient with her, didn’t listen to her needs and insisted on certain things that she didn’t like.  She stated this to him, yet he turned it around on her and threatened to leave.

She thought it was all her fault.

Feeling emotionally depleated, she asked me what she did wrong.  We talked about their conversations, particularly one they had at dinner, and I was left with one conclusion: he has issues that have nothing to do with you.

Why do we take all of the blame?  Why do we immediately insist that we are the ones at fault?  I’ve learned this recently in my own relationships- I realized that I can’t fix people, despite being healthy, grounded and supportive.

People have to fix themselves on their own.

I’ve definitely continued to date the same type of person- charismatic, intelligent, funny; yet sneaky.  For whatever reason, I continue to do the same thing over and over expecting a different result.  If it didn’t work then, why would it work now?

My life is very full, and I have an amazing support system.  Getting mixed up with other people who don’t have my best interest at heart is not something I need in my life now, or ever.  My suggestion for my friend?  “Focus on yourself.  Stop with these guys.  Your work and home life will become much more clear once you focus on yourself, not try to pick up someone else’s pieces.”

Now, I just need to follow my own advice.  It’s a new moon, after all. 🌙

Categories
conscious living empowerment

Real Queens Fix Each Other’s Crowns

“Crown and anchor me, or let me sail away.”

Over the years I used to try to be what others wanted me to be.  This left me irritable, lost and confused.  I’ve roamed from state to state, city to city, looking for who my true self is.

I used to compromise my values for friendship, approval and love.  I looked for my crown in all the wrong places.

One person who has always anchored me, reminding me who my true self is, is my best friend.  We have faced the same struggles and have the same nervous thoughts when our anxiety gets the best of us.  We laugh about the same quirky things and have the same pet peeves.  Whenever I’m feeling a little uneasy, I know she will understand.

Near or far, the best friendships are the ones that know no distance.  Although we have both ventured from the shores of Lake Michigan, we always pick up exactly where we left off.

She’s given me the strength to be myself and to sail away from negative situations, thoughts and people.  I have found a sense of purpose in my passions, and she has supported me through it all.  

I’ve learned to raise my standards and rely on the universe.  Our thoughts are powerful, and I realized recently that I’m still trying to repair old relationships and habits that no longer suit me.  If I accept the way I am treated, then the universe will give me the old junk that is unhealthy.  I don’t have to live like that anymore.

Thanks to female strength and the women who have helped fix my crown, I no longer have to accept the things I did in the past.  “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.”  Today I will settle for more, reach high and find those people who will fix my crown- not try and take it, move it or change it.

“If you cannot find a good companion to walk with, walk alone, like an elephant roaming the jungle. It is better to be alone than to be with those who will hinder your progress.” -Buddha


Categories
conscious living empowerment

Healing Through Art

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The arts have been a major part of my life ever since my earliest memories of drawing, creating handmade cards, writing poetry, and illustrating storybooks.  Creativity has also been an outlet for me to express my emotions, from drawing to daily fashion.

“Keeping it simple” is something I try to embody on a daily basis- life is such a complicated journey that it is imperative to stay grounded in order to stay sane.  While I used to love more of everything and a variety of anything, today I adore simple beauty and minimalism.  I decided not to complicate things and stick with white and gold- less is more.

With every brush stroke, I gained a little bit of strength and began to let go of insecurity, fear, and doubt.  A coach of mine once suggested the “post-it practice”- sticking affirmations on your walls or mirror- and ever since I have been mindful of writing down positive thoughts to remind myself every day that I am, indeed, enough.

This coach even put me in a hula-hoop and told me that the only thing I could control what was inside that hula-hoop: me.

Since I began painting I have also been inspired by so many amazing women in my life.  Their love has helped me gain confidence and heal, so I have started to make art for them, too.

Together, no matter what our struggles, we can help one another by sharing our own inspiration and journey.

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More here and on Instagram.

Categories
empowerment self discovery

Embracing Feminine Energy

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Over the past few months I have started to notice a shift in my behavior and mindset.  My defensive, aggressive nature has started to lift and I am beginning to embrace my nurturing, peaceful side.  I have been provided many opportunities to focus my energy on caregiving; tending to plants, helping other women and learning from Clarissa the cat.

This may sound silly, but I have learned many lessons from animals and nature. These earthly blessings are also forms of my higher power; I believe we receive messages through other living things.  I have learned to open my mind and heart in order to receive these messages from the universe through spending time near the water, caring for Clarissa, and bringing my wilting plants back to life.  These simple, yet meaningful activities have also helped me to have the ability to have compassion for others, resulting in being able to lend a hand to other women who have gone through the same struggles as I have.

After a very full and happy day, I drew a Goddess Card last night to guide me in my “next step.”  I am currently in a career transition and have developed an amazing community here in the Boston area, but I still have wonders about where my path may lead.

Clarissa may have picked up on my energy, because she jumped right in to assist.  I focused my intention on my next move; where do I direct my energy?  While my life is very positive and whole, I knew there was something I was lacking or needed to embrace.

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Then, I drew Hathor.

Hathor: “Allow yourself to receive. This will increase your intuition, energy, and ability to give to others.”

Message from Hathor: “You have a maternal side to you that naturally cares for those in need, yet this must be balanced with receptivity or the flow is blocked. Receiving is the essence of feminine energy, and it means allowing yourself to receive with grace and gratitude. If you feel guilty when asking others for help, or if you feel bad about receiving gifts, then you block your feminine energy. Your receptivity is must as natural as your nurturing, giving energy. Receptivity allows you to better hear the voices of the angels. When you receive, you have more resources to give to others. Begin by noticing the hundreds of gifts you receive each day, whether it is seeing beauty in nature, witnessing a touching human moment, or being hugged by a loved one. Simply say “Thank you” for each gift, and know that they are filling up your store house, keeping the Divine flow going strong.”

The Divine flow!  Just last night I spoke with a friend (who is a therapist and mindfulness teacher) about feminine energy and having the ability to receive.  Accepting love and receiving positive energy used to be such a struggle for me.  She mentioned the “divine shift” of 2012, which was my first time hearing of this!  I got goosebumps once I dug into my own research on this shift.

In a world full of ego, power struggles and greed, I was amazed and inspired- perhaps this is what I am experiencing!  While I used to block love, help or nurturing as a defense mechanism from getting hurt or being abandoned, today I am beginning to live in faith, not fear, and allowing others into my life.  Each lesson, animal, day spent in nature or person who reaches out to me is a blessing (and a sign) that I do need to embrace my  feminine side in order to love, and receive that same love in return.

Learning to live in peace, not pride, creates such a bigger world for ourselves.  It is easy to get tied up in power, money and ego, but by allowing that feminine energy to flow, you can step out of the darkness and into a loving, content life.

This morning I am grateful- and I look forward to the gifts the rest of the day brings.

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