It’s happened to the best of us. We meet someone and are instantly drawn to them- but why?
Sometimes you have a deep and undeniable spiritual connection with another person, while other times your intuition can play tricks on you, making you think there’s a higher connection when it’s really a lesson in disguise.
If you feel a strong bond with someone who is trying to change you, guilt you, or make you feel you’re not enough, that’s not a soul connection. From my own experience, it was always a narcissist looking to feed from my spirit.
Has anyone else experienced this? Have you met someone you were instantly drawn to, only to realize later the outcome wasn’t what you expected? Did you keep trying to find ways for them to accept you? Did you constantly feel you weren’t worthy?
Oh yeah, me too.
As I reflect on the past four or five years, it’s clear to me how I’ve met people I’ll forever share a bond with, people I’ll keep from a distance, and people I will never talk to again, but will always value the lesson they taught me.
Whether it’s a business, family, or a personal connection, it’s important to recognize the role people play in our lives- and that it isn’t our job to change them or the nature of the relationship.
One of the things that deterred me from moving back to Michigan from the East Coast was the need for a car. It seems pretty silly, doesn’t it? Nevertheless, one of the reasons I specifically chose to move to Boston back in 2016 because of its walkability, T system, and ease of a daily commute.
I became extremely attached to the concept of not being attached to my material possessions back in 2016 as well, especially after spending over two years in New York City.
While talking to a friend who worked for an automotive company, he told me something pretty disheartening- that it is “strongly implied” at work that “only poor people” take BATA Transit Official (and they don’t count). 😳
BATA is our public transit system, and I was surprised to learn how helpful and nice it was when I came back to Michigan. The drivers were friendly, the schedules were consistent, and it took you pretty much anywhere you needed to go.
But hold up.
Yes, all walks of life take public transportation. I’ve taken the bus here and I’ve seen all kinds of people- tourists, storytellers, students, and sweet elderly people.
As a person who exclusively took the bus and train while living in San Francisco, NYC, Chicago, and Boston, it’s hard for me to go back to the pain of a car- especially going six years without one. Don’t get me wrong, I adored my Mini Cooper (my mother still has two, depending on the season), but every time something went wrong, I felt sick. With every check engine alert or knick on the door, I felt trapped by my material item.
Since selling Mini and moving to New York City in 2014, I’ve chosen not to drive.
I have walked over five miles a day for as long as I can remember (usually 10 or more on many days!), utilized a bike, and used my time in Uber or public transportation to write. After becoming much more conscious and mindful, I’ve embraced the time I can simply sit still and relax while going from point A to point B.
The “poor people” statement makes me sick to my stomach. Really. Could we please focus more on love and understanding instead of labels and judgment in this new decade?
That said, I don’t have a use for a car at the moment. I may in the future, but not now- and it’s somewhat of a political statement to avoid driving with the current state of our environment. I understand it’s necessary for many people to drive- to get to work, take their kids to school, or to travel on weekends. I’m fortunate to live in town and have the option to walk everywhere I need to go, use the bus, or take Uber if I can’t get there. My cat’s food and litter is delivered. I can even order groceries if I want to.
After six years in the city, it’s not easy to transition to a small town with a very limited view of the world. I can only hope to continue to connect with likeminded individuals who aren’t so quick to judge.
More love in 2020, please. For now, I’m grateful Traverse City has BATA- and good friends who don’t value others based on what they own.
When I came back to Michigan, there were many things I wasn’t prepared for.
Winter in November was one of them.
Although I spent the past five years on the East Coast, Northern Michigan is a whole new ballgame. Despite living in town, the heavy snow and the ice makes is nearly impossible to even walk down the street- this morning, I fell twice in my own neighborhood.
As I waited for the bus to get to work, a man called out to me, “you know, the bus isn’t coming up the hill today!” I looked over at him, as snow fell off the fur on the hood of my new Michael Kors coat and into my eyes. “Oh?” I replied, “Where does it pick up?”
“At the bottom of the hill!”
I stared at him as I wiped the snow from my face. Well, I suppose I can make it to the bottom of the hill.
Begrudgingly, I turned around and started walking. My clothes were already getting wet from the heavy snow, but that didn’t stop me. I’d walk all the way to work if I had to! A mile and a half is nothing when you’re used to walking over 10 miles each day in the city.
As I continued to walk, my feet slipped on the snow-packed pavement. Catching my fall, my leg started to cramp. I kept going. Then, as I hit another icy patch, my coffee mug flew out of my hand, my phone detached from my headphones, and I fell flat on my back. I paused for a moment.
I can’t do this shit.
All sorts of things began running through my mind at this moment. Should I keep going? Should I dry my phone off and see if there is an Uber nearby? Or do I just go home, call my boss, and tell her what happened?
I decided to go with option #3.
I may be a winter baby who loves bundling up, wearing cute boots, gloves, and hats, but when my nearly 35-year-old body is in pain, the best option is to stay inside.
Maybe I should mention that I haven’t driven a car in almost six years- and I am not about to start now. Can you even imagine the damage I could do to myself or others if I were to drive on this ice? It wouldn’t be pretty- not to mention bad for my anxiety.
You can take the girl out of the city, but you can’t take the city out of the girl- even if it means she’ll attempt to walk a mile and a half in the snow and risk falling on her butt.
You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you first meet someone?
That little sign that says, “stay away,” or even, “he seems a little douchey?”
I try not to generalize or stereotype (keyword: try), so I often used to ignore that gut feeling.
I give the poor chap the benefit of the doubt, despite his obvious attempts at overselling himself. Over the past 15 years or so I’ve seen the same patterns, over and over, and as soon as I do, I shake my head and think “damn it, Kristin, you already had this one pinned.”
Within the first few exchanges, if a man suggests going on vacation with you, talks about your future, wants to introduce you to his family, or takes you somewhere elaborate, run. Fun fast.
In this day and age, there seems to be a pill for everything. Not only are people running to their doctors for relief, the providers themselves are over-prescribing, patients are misusing their prescriptions, and often times, they become addicted to their medication.
Depression and anxiety are two of the most common disorders, which are treated by a variety of medications- some addictive, some not. Although antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills can be helpful, they don’t solve the biggest problem- the root cause of the discomfort.
Researchers and a growing number health care professionals are encouraging patients to practice meditation in addition to their medical treatment and therapy. Although many disorders are a chemical imbalance, most don’t consider how meditation can help re-wire their brain.
What if treatment facilities and doctors prescribed more meditation, and less medication?
I’ve had anxiety throughout my life, which is something I’ve never been treated for. My social anxiety was so terrible growing up that it caused me to eat lunch in the library when I didn’t know who to sit with, skip classes or school events, and, as soon as I began college, I started drinking heavily to self medicate. I may not have taken pills to relieve my discomfort, but I drank my worries away so I wasn’t aware of my surroundings.
I eventually went to therapy and tried antidepressants to keep my depression in check. I didn’t take the medicine long enough to know whether or not it helped me- life situations had improved and I was abstinent from alcohol- but I also added something else to my life:
Mindfulness and meditation.
Between therapy, group support, and meditation, my anxiety and depression have been alleviated. I learned that spending more time inward was the solution to my issues. If you break down depression and anxiety, it’s quite simple:
Depression is living in the past, and anxiety is living in the future.
Living in the present is being happy.
Whether you choose to medicate or not, consider adding meditation to your daily routine. There are many apps that can get you started if you’re a newbie to the practice, such as Calm and Headspace, and even a variety of YouTube videos to guide you along your way. Meditation has changed my life, and I know it can change yours, too.