Categories
mindfulness self care

It’s okay to be alone

“If misery loves company, misery has company enough.” -Henry David Thoreau

I grew up an only child, spending my days reading, writing, and using my own imagination to entertain myself. As I grew up, I quickly began to understand that what seemed so normal to me was quite unordinary.

1924078_589393374008_7862_n
One of my favorite pastimes- swinging in my grandparent’s backyard.

I never surrounded myself with groups of people, joined teams or relied on siblings or neighbor friends- I relied on myself. I was happy in my own company, my own solitude. As a shy little girl I was quickly misunderstood, which only got worse as I became a teenager. Kids are mean… especially girls.

Sadly, this doesn’t change as an adult. I spent the better part of this fall taking a break from reality, working on myself and learning new skills, all while being surrounded by dozens of different people and personalities. This was one of the most rewarding yet challenging experiences of my life. I was in an environment where feelings were prevalent and people verbally worked through their problems, yet also tried to fix mine. I’ve never been a “touchy-feely” type of person, nor have I been codependent on others- this includes helping and being helped. I take the bull by the horns and try to do things alone.

I finally learned that it’s okay to ask for help- the right help.

Once again, I found myself being misunderstood. After a rollercoaster of a year, I began journaling daily, speaking to therapists and even asked a select few for advice. My month of introspection lead me to question myself, whether I was a good person or if I was doomed to be selfish my entire life. Only child syndrome, anxiety, and a touch of OCD didn’t help matters, but upon researching personality types and environmental factors, I gained a piece of mind (and even a little bit of sanity).

I’m still misunderstood and have been called every name in the book- but these days I don’t listen to the noise. Those who critique others are simply deflecting and avoiding their own shortcomings- and today I can accept that.

602885349_o

Instead of trying to surround myself with groups of people and masking my anxiety with alcohol and a seemingly “together” facade, I’m growing comfortable with being brutally honest, putting my thoughts on paper and spending time with the person I am most at home with- me.

Whether I’m by the water, nestled in my room or enjoying a coffee with friends, I choose to live my life in the moment, love who I am and enjoy the simple things, one day at a time.

Categories
mindfulness

Boston

It’s been 6 days since I landed in Boston.

15203327_10104509659797628_3124523192958663506_n

With a new city and a new perspective, I decided it was also time to start a new blog.

Two months ago I never would have dreamed I would be here today. October began with feelings of hope, optimism and a chance for a fresh start, but ended with a much different “new beginning” than I had anticipated.

Life is funny like that.

Instead of pushing my way through a lifelong battle with anxiety and making the same mistakes I had been repeating for years, I took a break. I was fortunate to be able to spend some time to work on myself, live simply, and reassess my life- but more importantly, figure out my purpose.

During my “reset” I wrote out my short-term goals to share with family and friends, but most importantly to hold myself accountable. Something about seeing my plan on paper made it much more tangible; much more real. Once I decided on Boston, I wrote out a Pros and Cons list:

unnamed

With the exception of a handful of people, I didn’t share where I was going. I kept it quiet, but with a four page plan on paper to prove I was serious. In the past I used to declare my plans to anyone who would listen, later to change my mind, have something fall through, or to simply share for the sake of validation.

Living for others is no way to live your life.

Although I do value the opinion of others, I’m beginning this new journey for me- this time, I won’t let someone else’s thoughts sway me. Perhaps that is where I have failed in the past- allowing myself to be pulled in so many different directions that I wasn’t confident in my own choices.

So far, I’m right on track with the goals I documented, and have even exceeded them. With prayer, meditation and a plan, I’m confident that anything is possible. Everything happens for a reason, and life is much more manageable when you live it one day at a time.

15284106_10104523135367478_2662529451991139518_n