It’s hard to believe 2020 is almost half over, but I’ve begun to see even more clearly; and this moon, it’s time to say goodbye to that first half.
The Scorpio Flower Moon is a time for healing, letting go, and beginning a new chapter. have reflected on the opportunities I once accepted, realizing how undervalued and misunderstood I was.
The thing is, we aren’t aligned for every opportunity- and we don’t have to explain ourselves to those who don’t understand our journey.
The articles I wrote for publications that weren’t used? Now they’re relevant.
The businesses who didn’t want to pay me for my work? Farewell.
The people I confided in who turned around and talked about others behind their back to me? Those aren’t the kind of friends I need.
Creative work isn’t free.
Sometimes it can be difficult to see people trying to mask taking advantage of you as friendship- but I could never represent a brand, publication, or business who didn’t value people’s individuality, talents, or journey.
Henri Bendel “Align Astrology” launch event, 2016. A great brand I used to work with and will forever miss.
Now that I’ve seen the light, I know what my purpose is right now- and moving backward toward low energy isn’t in my cards.
This the perfect time to focus on my art, connect with others I met along the way, and use what I’ve learned to help others through my writing.
I’ve healed to the point where I now know my own worth, and this next half of 2020, I’ll no longer dim my light or reduce myself to what others want me to be.
Who knows what the future has in store, but I can tell you one thing: I’m not going back to the old normal.
Hooray for PAIGE helping to keep the community stylish and safe!
In an effort to preserve supplies for medical staff, Paige Denim joined LA Protects and Mayor Eric Garcetti to produce non-medical masks in their to help protect non-essential workers. They’re also donating a pack for every 4-pack sold! Whenever I shop these days, I’m always conscious of the social good the company is doing- and want to be sure others know, too.
You can shop the Paige masks here, and check out 91 more stylish selections from Vogue for this “new normal.”
I’ve loved seeing how designers, brands, and social media teams have helped bring people together during this time. From music to inspirational talks, it’s been amazing to see how creative the world has been!
Fashion has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, ingrained in my very mold from a mother who adores herself.
For those who have followed along, you may have read my stories of my fashion blogging days. I moved to New York City as a blogger back in 2014, before the term “influenced” was mainstream. My blog consisted of a mixture of high and low style, from thrifty finds to a secondhand designer bag. I often wore clothes and accessories created from friends or up-and-coming designers while pairing it with
I recently bought a shirt from J. Crew as nod to my hometown. Although I typically buy everything secondhand or created, I couldn’t miss out on this tee. I wondered, “what was the inspiration? Who at the J. Crew offices have a connection with Northern Michigan?
Today, J. Crew was the first major retail brand to file bankruptcy during COVID-19.
This made me wonder, what will things be like when the world opens up again? What will people be purchasing?
Will they be going for basics? Will they stock up on colors to feel joyful during this strange new era? Will people spend at all?
What will happen within the fashion industry in the “new normal?”
Over the past few years I’ve seen of my favorite brands fade away- even Henri Bendel, the longest standing store on Fifth Avenue.
Although change can be scary, even though something else ended, it creates space for something even better grow in its place.
My thoughts go out to J. Crew and its employees, family, shoppers, and friends- but I’m confident there are brighter days ahead. There always is.
Two years ago, after a magical and inspiring trip back to NYC, I realized working at my desk job wasn’t for me.
I went to work that Monday feeling discontent- my internal voice was telling me to create, especially after spending the day at the “Heavenly Bodies” exhibit at The Met. Full of life, beauty, and wonder, I felt more myself than I had in years- and it was apparent I needed to find a new path.
I had dinner with my landlord that evening, who told me “life is a stage, we are all actors.” Of course, the nature of our relationship made it clear he wanted me to continue with my stable job so I could afford rent- as would my father or any patriarchal figure in my life- yet my sacral authority was screaming, “create!”
I didn’t know how I would afford rent, but like always, I knew I’d find a way.
Authenticity has always been crucial in my life. If it doesn’t feel natural, it’s a challenge- which is why I stopped fashion blogging and styling items I wouldn’t actually wear back in 2016.
My heart and soul knew my creative talents were being wasted at a place that wasn’t appreciated, at a firm full of people who didn’t understand me- and I physically and mentally couldn’t produce work any longer. That’s the true 5-15 Channel in me.
Even before learning about my Human Design, I knew my intuition was strong- so for the past 12 years, my impulsive life choices were made by my sacral authority without even realizing it! The missed trains, those impulsive moves, and the gut feelings- they were all for a purpose.
So, the next day I called in to reflect. By the end of the afternoon, I had written my resignation letter.
I had no idea where my path would lead, but I knew it wasn’t at a Downtown Boston law firm.
Who had I been trying to prove? My father? My ex-boyfriend? The people I went to school with?
The only person I needed to prove anything to was myself.
I bought a sketch book and arranged all my inspiration on my bedroom floor. The following day, I quit my job after seeing a new set of angel wings by Hot Swat in Harvard Square along Church Street after taking the wrong way home. Pretty powerful.
If it weren’t for those wings I saw in Harvard Square as soon as I walked out of the unusual exit at the train station after work, I never would have called in that Tuesday.
There are many other events that happened in 2018 that inspired me to quit my job and start sketching, too.
Kate’s Spade’s death shook me- and her impact on my life was so apparent that even male friends I knew in passing over the years texted me about the news. Unaware of her battle with mental health, her passing inspired me to share the truth behind the clothes and my looks.
Had I not relapsed after my new art project didn’t manifest as soon as I wanted it to, I wouldn’t have been forced to take a pause to heal and dig deeper into my own story. Unlike summer of 2018, today I understand it’s not about the end product, but it’s about the joy in the journey.
Similar Kate Spade, I wanted to bring joy to others, but forgot to find the joy in my own life. I began being an actor once again- working jobs that weren’t aligned with my purpose, sipping alcohol again, and pretending I was “fixed” when I still had a long road ahead.
My personal struggles wouldn’t have inspired me to purge what no longer served in my closet, and my life. Through sharing who we really are- whether it’s at work or in our personal relationships- we are able to align with opportunities and people who are truly meant for us.
Sure, a colorful or shiny facade is pretty, but what happens when the colors fade? What is underneath?
Is the foundation strong like a rock, or will it float away in the breeze like a feather?
Hence, why I decided to start painting on rocks- and my three and a half years of life lessons are reflected on the messages I share throughout town.
I may not be an actor in my own life, but I have decided to write my own future- and thanks to a simple sign and a few twists and turns along my path, I gained the confidence to do so.
I’ve had a blast writing in the sun over the weekend, biking throughout town, and leaving little messages in secret spots.
Earlier in the week I was feeling manic- I was finding myself roaming from one room to another, starting one project but never finishing another. I was bouncing off other people’s energy, encouragement, and feedback, and forgetting to focus on what I was doing. Even for someone who writes about living in the moment, I can lose my sense of grounding, too!
I spent the weekend on my bike, exploring the city, and snapping shots of the beauty around me. Like magic, my sense of balance was restored and I felt like I had my wings of flow once again.
I sat by the Boardman River, aligning my rocks and accessories while I gazed into the water. As the river flowed, I felt my body loosen and my spirit light up. At last, the mania had begun to pass.
I can also thank my meditation teacher, Nilcee, a wonderful soul who I met back in my NYC days. She leads a Tuesday night meditation in Astoria, but has moved over to Zoom during the pandemic. Although we met four years ago, I’ve felt her energy with me ever since- and unlike other teachers in the past, she assures me she is a guide; I already have all the power within. I may have a difficult time listening to others who tell me what to do (my sacral tells me everything I need to know), but I feel extremely empowered when I’m guided along my path- or river, if you will.
She reminds me of my natural flow and rhythm, and to tune out distractions with tuning into myself. On Friday night, I even called in to a virtual Happy Hour to chat with the Astoria friends along the Grand Traverse Bay!
Near and far, it’s wonderful to feel connection, and it’s even easier to do so when you tune into yourself and live in the flow.
I’ll be leaving these around town throughout the next week, so keep your eye out for a few little golden words in Traverse City (and soon Boston + NYC!).
I realized the other day that maybe I’ve had it right this whole time.
The world said, “get a job.” “Find a stable life.” “Plant roots.” “Get married.” “Settle down.” My heart always rejected these concepts and my gut told me, “create. Move. Teach. Grow.” Although I’ve always wanted love, I knew in my soul it wasn’t time to stay in one place quite yet.
Now, the world’s “stable” foundation isn’t so stable- and we are stuck with selves. The mortage. The fancy car. The credit cards.
Those roots weren’t so stable, were they?
Now the world is beginning to see the need for building a solid foundation, a connection to Mother Earth, and to connect with one another. We may have operated on an “all for ourselves” plane in the past, but that is shifting- and the Coronavirus is very symbolic of that.
Leaving rocks around Traverse City is also representative of the solid foundation we all have the ability to build ourselves- without the fancy title, the busy social calendar, and the the seemingly perfect exterior.
You already have all the power you need within.
It’s pretty scary to start from scratch- but when I quit my job that sucked my soul, started drinking again, and lost my apartment, I sat with self- for a long time.
The key was looking within- and learning to create with what you’ve got. Not looking at anyone else to fill your dreams.
Finding a tiny piece of hope in this chaotic world was the first step to rebuilding my foundation- and although it wasn’t comfortable, it was worth it.
I wrote this poem a couple of years ago when I was feeling like my world would never get repaired- but somehow, it did.
When I was in treatment, I didn’t have much to work with- just books, self reflection, coloring pages, and my imagination. As an empath, it was nearly impossible not to pick up the negative emotions of the other recovering people around me- but I learned to create and sit with self during times of chaos. Although it seemed tragic at the time, living with 20 other people in treatment was the best thing that ever could have happened to this finicky only child.
I may not have had paint and a cell phone in treatment centers, but I totally had markers and made the most of the situation. 🙂 I wrote a poem after finding inspiration by Mystic Lake in Arlington- the original city I started painting words in gold. As a man rode by on a jet sky, he waved with a smile- and it made me think, “that’s what I want.”
Joy. Fun. Love.
But most of all, peace.
I may never fit into a box, but I’ll always fit into many worlds- because now I know my home is within. 🧚🏻♀️
People are often surprised when I share the stories of my past, whether it was about my impulsive cross-country moves, my battles with mental health, overcoming trauma, and finally living a life of recovery- but to me, it’s more about conscious living. Being present. Truly making the most out of life- and making the decision to live with joy.
As I got healthier, my choices became more solid, as well- because when I built a solid foundation for myself, I was able to maintain a much more mindful, meaningful life.
My stories can be heavy; but they’re freeing to tell. As I let go of the chains which used to hold me captive from happiness, I have also been able to connect with people from around the world.
My own experiences have inspired me to help others through my writing, art, and decision to become a life coach. I believe we attract the people and opportunities we are meant for, and being able to be vulnerable, open, and honest has allowed me to align gracefully.
This hasn’t been an easy time for many, but I want others to know I am there for them. Although I’m able to shine my light today, it took a lot of hard work, growing pains, and falls to get to where I’m at mentally.
A woman I met while in Mississippi told me a piece of good advice that I’ll never, ever forget- especially after all the times I made mistakes but remembered to rise again:
Fall seven times, stand up eight.
I didn’t know at the time I would soon move to Boston, start this blog, and begin sharing my stories of my falls, standing back up, and finding myself on the ground again. Although my path hasn’t been linear, I couldn’t be more grateful for it- because it gave me the experience and wisdom to help guide others along the way.
It has been an interesting month with our daily lives put to a halt, yet Mother Earth is smiling at us as we stay home. From the canals in Italy to the Los Angeles skyline, our world has started to heal from all of the damage our Human Race has caused it to endure.
This won’t last forever, though.
We will eventually go back to our daily routine, and the pollution will start up again. Face masks have begun to flood the oceans and lakes, while friends of mine are doing their part to pick up litter during the quarantine. Nevertheless, being mindful at home and in our everyday actions play a big part in how our Earth continues to heal.
How do you already reduce your carbon footprint? Here are a few things I do on a daily basis- and although they’re not feasible for all, even a small part makes a big difference.
Reusable K-cups- you can buy one for the price of a cup of coffee
Walking- I haven’t driven a car since I moved to New York City in 2014!
Painting on natural surfaces and recycled items instead of buying new materials
Using recycled tote bags when shopping- I can customize them for you, too 💫
Look out for some Earth Day rocks coming soon to Downtown Traverse City- I can’t wait for you all to see what I’ve been working on.
Although we may not think throwing a wrapper out the window or a cigarette on the ground is a big deal, those small things add up- so this Earth Day, please consider how even the tiniest effort make an impact.