self discovery

The New Normal: Being Content With Self

I realized the other day that maybe I’ve had it right this whole time.

The world said, “get a job.” “Find a stable life.” “Plant roots.” “Get married.” “Settle down.” My heart always rejected these concepts and my gut told me, “create. Move. Teach. Grow.” Although I’ve always wanted love, I knew in my soul it wasn’t time to stay in one place quite yet.

Now, the world’s “stable” foundation isn’t so stable- and we are stuck with selves. The mortage. The fancy car. The credit cards.

Those roots weren’t so stable, were they?

Now the world is beginning to see the need for building a solid foundation, a connection to Mother Earth, and to connect with one another. We may have operated on an “all for ourselves” plane in the past, but that is shifting- and the Coronavirus is very symbolic of that.

Leaving rocks around Traverse City is also representative of the solid foundation we all have the ability to build ourselves- without the fancy title, the busy social calendar, and the the seemingly perfect exterior.

You already have all the power you need within.

It’s pretty scary to start from scratch- but when I quit my job that sucked my soul, started drinking again, and lost my apartment, I sat with self- for a long time.

The key was looking within- and learning to create with what you’ve got. Not looking at anyone else to fill your dreams.

JUST you.

Finding a tiny piece of hope in this chaotic world was the first step to rebuilding my foundation- and although it wasn’t comfortable, it was worth it.

I wrote this poem a couple of years ago when I was feeling like my world would never get repaired- but somehow, it did.

When I was in treatment, I didn’t have much to work with- just books, self reflection, coloring pages, and my imagination. As an empath, it was nearly impossible not to pick up the negative emotions of the other recovering people around me- but I learned to create and sit with self during times of chaos. Although it seemed tragic at the time, living with 20 other people in treatment was the best thing that ever could have happened to this finicky only child.

I may not have had paint and a cell phone in treatment centers, but I totally had markers and made the most of the situation. 🙂 I wrote a poem after finding inspiration by Mystic Lake in Arlington- the original city I started painting words in gold. As a man rode by on a jet sky, he waved with a smile- and it made me think, “that’s what I want.”

Joy. Fun. Love.

But most of all, peace.

I may never fit into a box, but I’ll always fit into many worlds- because now I know my home is within. 🧚🏻‍♀️

By Kristin Fehrman

Life through oversized sunglasses.

2 replies on “The New Normal: Being Content With Self”

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