Over the years I’ve been amused by the responses I receive when I tell people the trajectory of my life since 2008.
They’re usually taken back by the number of places I’ve lived, the jobs I’ve had, and the reasons (or lack there of) I’ve moved over the course of a decade. They ask, “did you move for school?” or “did you get a job there?”
These seemingly justifiable reasons were never why I chose to move- not even once.
Truth be told, I went to school in Michigan, and life was completely fine when I left in 2008. I was engaged, lived in a beautiful suburban house, and had a job I was good at. Even though things on the outside seemed fantastic, I was lost and confused on the inside.
I was bored.
“This can’t be it!” I thought. So, for the next 10 years, I searched for the magic recipe to find contentment. I called off my wedding and moved to San Francisco. I quit my law firm job and ran off to Austin with a boyfriend. I went back to San Francisco. My drinking problems got worse. I got sober for a couple of years, and then was off to the races in New York City.
The stories continue…
What I didn’t know that entire time was that I needed to find my fulfillment from within.
There’s no bone in my body that regrets moving around so much, nor am I ashamed for all the things I did. Each and every turn in the road lead me to realize who I truly was.
I needed to live authentically to find peace. I didn’t realize I was being something different than who I was to make someone else happy, and that I knew my life was somewhere in the city- I just didn’t know which city that was.
When life gets hard, my initial reaction is to move, change things, or to run away. Today I am finally realizing that sitting still can make you stronger than you even knew you were- but most importantly, that your authentic self isn’t someone you want to run away from.