Over the past eight years I haven’t quite accepted the identity of being a “sober person.”
Yet. So, that’s why I’m writing about it.
My thoughts about it have wavered; at times, I was accepting of myself, and at others, I threw the idea of recovery out the window simply to “fit in.”
I couldn’t stand explaining myself to people about why I don’t drink.
As I mentioned before, some people assume you’re defective, problematic, or trouble if you say you’re in recovery. However, most of the time people are supportive and understand.
So, if people have been supportive, why have I held on so tightly to the ignorant responses of “are you pregnant?” “are you on a diet?” or worse, “are you a mean drunk?”
I simply can’t put mind altering substances into my body.
But why would I want to? This world is beautiful. It’s a gift to be present.
A lot of people have questioned why I can’t just have one drink. “Why can’t you have a glass of wine?” These people don’t understand that the one drink sets off a switch that isn’t shut off until I’m passed out on the couch of a stranger’s apartment in Brooklyn (true story). I could write novels about all of my mishaps while drinking- and I’m lucky to be alive to tell the tales.
Glamorizing the good old days isn’t helpful, though. Today, I can look back and smile at the good times, but remember that the very best days are the ones where I am living in the moment, not looking forward to the next- with a clear mind and open heart.