I’ve recently learned that willingness brings an entirely new reality to life. What do I mean, you ask?
Ever since coming to Boston I’ve been pretty closed off. It’s been a time of awakening and learning about myself- and becoming the person I was meant to be. It’s been a great experience, from the good to the bad, and I’ve documented it here since the very first week.
However, I was extremely leery of letting people in. An example of this was when I made my very first friend, but kept her at a distance. She was also my roommate and the kindest soul- but I didn’t yet feel I was worthy of her friendship and love.
Now, over a year and a half later, that has changed. I’ve let her into my darkest moments as well as brought my own light to our friendship. I’ve come full circle, and since arriving in Boston, I’ve made several other amazing friends as well.
Just the other day I was in the park chatting with my friend in Michigan. We share a birthday and have a lot in common, but our outside worlds are completely different. She’s married with three kids, while I’m single without any family in the area. Her kindness and support has helped me immensely through these past few months, and after talking with her, something clicked.
I don’t want to be alone any longer.
I used to think that being alone was a strength- which it is- but now that I’ve learned to be happy with myself, I’m ready to share it with someone else.
A few moments later I heard a voice nearby, asking me if I minded if they sat on the bench where I was at. The old Kristin may have scoffed them off or avoided talking to them while sitting in the park, but this Kristin invited them over. We ended up talking for an hour, roamed around Boston, and even went to a Red Sox game. My very first Red Sox game!
It was a magical day. I couldn’t believe that simply telling my friend that I was finally willing to let people in would give me an opportunity to do so- and even though it was simply a step, it was a step in the right direction. I didn’t let my ego get in the way, didn’t have fear, and went back to my childlike joy.
Ever since that day, I’ve been more mindful of my old thought patterns and have opened up to the idea of letting people in- in any capacity. I used to be so afraid of getting hurt that I opted to spend all of my time alone, and was even fearful of losing a job, friend, or romantic relationship… so my heart was closed off.
I’ve finally been learning who I truly am, and I know it’s not that hard, indifferent person I have been playing for so long. The people closest to me have known who I was all along, despite the exterior, and they’ve proven that to me by sticking by my side and loving me through the hard times.
Who knows what the future will bring, but I do know one thing- my heart is open.