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empowerment mindful at home

Living With Grace and Grit

I’m still coming down from all of the creative and inspirational energy I took in from my last trip back to NYC. Wow! From the moment I saw the skyline to the feeling I had while driving out of the city, the weekend was nothing but magic.

It felt like home again.

One of my favorite moments from my trip back to New York was when I arrived at Queensboro Plaza and noticed all the synchronicity around me.

From the number “7” (which had been following me around all weekend) to the purple color of the train line, it seemed like everything was a sign.

A sign I’m on the right path. A sign for my next steps. A sign telling me I am fine as I am.

After my trip, my perception changed; not just about the city, but about my own life. It occurred to me that I wasn’t living up to my own potential because outside voices have been holding me back. As a result, my dreamer (and sometimes grandiose) nature has second guessed herself, creating her own negative voices inside her head.

So, I stopped listening.

My path has been anything but traditional, and although I’ve attempted to go the “traditional route,” something has always blocked me from fitting in. It used to be my own self sabotage and issues with self esteem, alcohol, and emotions- however, as of the past year, it’s been because I have been standing up for what I believe in.

I came to Boston to fearlessly look in the mirror and step into the person I am meant to be- without distractions- so the last thing I will allow in my life is someone or an institution to cause me to step backwards.

Most recently, my passion for helping people and inspiring others to see life through a new lens has caused quite a bit of discontentment with the “3D world.” Our society as a whole isn’t quite ready to see life through a new light, but I know there is a place and purpose for me to share my story and strength.

Some people just want to sit in their own misery, though.

This brings me to the whole theory of the “imposter syndrome.” It makes me wonder how many people wake up in the morning, put on their suit or shiny heels, and honestly can go in thinking they’re a “professional.” As if putting on a show and acting for the sake of a paycheck is any way to live. To think living for the weekend or retirement is the only way to live.

Sorry to say, boys and girls, but that’s how our society is programmed. It’s pathetic.

Personally, I would rather live a short life that is full of, well, life. A life of purpose, not routine.

How many of those people feel restricted? How many of those people know they have better ways to spend their day? How many have talents to give but never will, all because society is telling them their dreams are silly?

I have no idea, but I’m done pretending.

I wasn’t given the gift of a grit-filled past with a touch of grace to simply keep quiet.

My story is meant to be shared.

What’s my next step? I’m not sure. However, I am confident my work will be of use to many people- so I am done holding back.

I am ready for my answer, and my next big adventure.

Categories
empowerment self discovery

Free to Be: Going On Your Own Path

There comes a day when you stop letting the outside world trick you into thinking there is only one way to life, security, happiness, and success.

~

A lovely friend of mine, a neurologist in Cambridge, described the city perfectly to me once:

“Cambridge: where everyone thinks they’re a ‘renegade.'”

I had only been in Boston for a few months, so I hadn’t yet gotten an impression of the people or the culture.  However, I liked this idea, and I certainly loved Cambridge.

Although I used to wish I had taken a traditional path (or at least a “laid out” one) I realize now through listening to others that it wouldn’t have been right for me.  I have spent the past 11 years trying to “fit” the mold; city to city, job to job, relationship to relationship.  It was a struggle trying to fit this square peg in a round hole.

I had simply assumed by speaking with her, the grounded and successful woman she is, that she must have had an easier path than mine. That things came naturally to her.  That she followed her heart when making her career choice.  However, upon knowing her better, I learned that it wasn’t her choice to become a doctor; it was her father’s.

I met this woman April of 2017, and she played an instrumental role helping me learn I am enough.  She said to me, over and over, that I am fine just as I am.

I didn’t realize what she meant until now.


As my life came together, fell apart, and came back together time and time again back in the summer of 2017, my friend (who I just visited in NYC) also reminded me of how strong I am.  Although I felt hopeless at times, she saw the light in me.  She recognized my strengths.  She helped me see my own light; and in turn, I have been able to do the same for her.

It’s interesting how we can get down on ourselves so easily, yet we are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

Now, let’s go back to the idea of a “renegade.”

This made me laugh.

However, much of our society blindly follows the unwritten rules the “patriarchy” laid out years ago, without question.

I can’t imagine living an existence where I don’t question these rules.

As I began to step into my authentic self, I stood up to “the man.” I have ignored their sexist comments. I have ignored people telling me I can’t do things. I have been independent.

Perhaps this does make me a “renegade.”


Over the years I thought about what society wanted me to do; or at least, what those around me expected.  I thought that if I got an advanced degree, a certain job, or had impressive credentials, I would please others.

But why did I care about pleasing the patriarchy?

I wasn’t pleasing myself.

As I have let the ideas of what other people “expect” from me, I realize that I wasn’t doing anyone any good.  I wasn’t happy in relationships or jobs where I couldn’t be myself.  I wasn’t succeeding in roles that didn’t align with my talents.  I felt anxiety in environments I forced myself to be in.

As my spiritual practice and confidence grows, the more I realize that manmade rules are simply tricks to give others power.

We have all the power we need within ourselves.

The more fearlessly honest I am, the more gifts have appeared in my life.  I’ve been published in places I never dreamed to see my work, I’ve received heartfelt letters from readers who didn’t know who else to turn to, and I’ve gotten the opportunity (and blessing) to find inner peace, joy, and empowerment through my authenticity.

I used to water down my personality to “fit in.”  That didn’t serve anyone.  Today, I refuse to play a role in society; I will live my truth.

I came to this earth for a reason; and that reason wasn’t to follow the patriarchy, let someone scare me into doing things their way, or let others take my power.

My reason was to help others realize they, too, can fearlessly spread their wings and fly.

So, that is what I will continue to do. ✨

Categories
self discovery

Heavenly Bodies

Categories
self discovery

Full Circle

Today is the four year anniversary of my one-way flight to New York City.

After an amazing weekend, which included quality time with a dear friend, visits to all my favorite spots, delicious food, and stops at all three of my old NYC apartments, I realize how much I have changed since that day on the 18th of June.

Although I live in Boston now, I always have a piece of New York in my heart- and today I know I can have both.

Life is all about balance.

Four years after that one way flight to New York City, I realize I never ruined anything, missed any opportunities, or took the wrong path. Everything happens in perfect order.

With a clear mind and an open heart, my arms are open for whatever comes my way. 💜

Categories
self discovery

Back to NYC

We all have a destiny, and I am moderately certain mine is growing old writing on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, sitting in Riverside Park, and going to Zabar’s.

Retirement #goals.

Tonight I’m heading back to spend the weekend in NYC with my dear friend Nicoline. We haven’t seen each other since a Camille Styles book signing at West Elm back in 2014. Nevertheless, it’s been a long time.

That fateful October was the last time the SF Giants won the World Series, which was how we met.  Over conversation, baseball, and mutual ex boyfriend, we had the same Hunter Boots on as we watched the game at a Finnerty’s on 2nd Street.

Ah, memories.

The one year of Joe’s passing is approaching on July 1st, and Nicoline and I have become closer than ever since.  I am sure he would find it hilarious that we are friends.  Although we dated the same guy at one point in time, we were able to see past it and be there for one another.  That is what life is all about- and I am grateful.

Although it won’t be our Giants, we are heading to Yankee Stadium to celebrate our reunion over baseball and brunch.  I can’t wait.

A weekend getaway is just what I need- to reflect on where I’ve been, where I’m at, and how far I have come.

🧡

Categories
empowerment

Can’t Have Your Cake and Eat It Too

So, I have some thoughts on the poor behavior of some of the men who live in the world.

I received a message from a guy I went to college with.  We have been friendly for years, but he’s always been flirty.  However, once he started making comments about my body, me losing weight, and my chest (referring to them as “puppies”), I told him to please stop.

I called him out on his behavior, saying his wife probably wouldn’t like that.  He told me he was “rolling his eyes” at my comment.

Okay, but would she?

Well, he can do whatever he pleases on his own watch, but I won’t condone the behavior.  The old Kristin may have played along, and perhaps I would have even been flattered, but not any longer.

I am on the female’s side.

I am ABSOLUTELY sick of the way some married (or attached) men speak to women who aren’t their partners.  Absolutely sick of it.

Wives, girlfriends, and mothers deserve better than the way some of these men act.  This isn’t up for discussion or debate.  If what you said to me made me or another woman uncomfortable, then it’s not acceptable.  We are not “too sensitive.”

If you’re bored and unhappy, leave.  Why did you even get married to begin with?  So someone else can take care of you while you go out and play?

This is one of many reasons I don’t aspire to get married.

There’s my two cents for the day.  Oh, and if I had a dollar for every time something like this happened, I could retire today and buy a house on an island.

Call them out.  Break the cycle. Let them know it’s not okay.  Someone has to.

Categories
conscious living

Gemini New Moon Intentions: Everything is About to Change

This New Moon is special.

It’s time to stop and smell the roses- for life is beautiful.  Society is what makes life stressful.  Not life itself.  We all have the power to live the life we love- the problem is, most people don’t realize this.

Falling under the sign of Gemini, associated with communication and the conscious mind, today’s June 13th New Moon at 3:43PM EST is the beginning, and the end, of the rest of your life.

Sounds kind of drastic, doesn’t it?

Honestly, not really.

These changes are internal.

Remember how you used to hold back as a kid, second guessed the things you said, or avoided creativity for the fear of what others may think?  Well, everything is about to change.

Big projects will come to fruition, you’ll gain confidence to use your voice, and things that used to scare you won’t any longer.

You’ll stop numbing your feelings and start using them as strengths.  You’ll use your struggles as lessons, and you’ll stop making the same mistakes twice.

Rushing will be a thing of the past, because you’ll start to recognize that what’s for you will not pass you.  Missing the train, rejection from a job, getting dumped by your boyfriend- these are all for reasons.

There is something bigger and better for you on the horizon.

So, sit back, and relax for once- with clear intentions, hard work, and clear communication, you will make your mark.

Just wait.  Trust the process.  Life is about to become even more beautiful.

Categories
self discovery

Full Circle- New Moon and NYC

My four year anniversary of moving to New York City is coming up on June 18th.  Is it still an anniversary if you don’t live there anymore?  Not sure.

Nevertheless, I flew in on a Wednesday night.  The following Thursday morning, I headed to my apartment on 98th and Broadway, sight unseen, where 10 boxes were waiting for me with the doorman.  I had seen the apartment on a Skype tour with my roommate/landlord, emailed and texted with the other girls who lived there, and while this action would not seem logical (or even safe) to most, it made perfect sense to me.  Mailing a check for $1,550 to a stranger?  Sure.  I just knew everything would be fine.

Intuition has gotten me through everything.  Everything.

The day I moved in, I unpacked a few things and headed down the street to get lunch.  I found a place nestled on Amsterdam and 96th with TVs.

There were more people than I would have expected at the bar, eating wings and intently watching some kind of game.  Oh- soccer.  I liked soccer.

I didn’t even understand the importance or care about the World Cup four summers ago when I moved to NYC, but it quickly became my favorite thing.  Why?  Easy- it was socially accepted to go to the bar at noon and eat nachos with cute boys on the Upper West Side.

I met one in particular- Moshe, but he went by Mo- who was from Toronto and lived just north of me on 111th.  We met on my first Saturday in the city when I went to the ‘dam (which has since closed) over eggs benedict and grilled cheese.  He asked me out to dinner that night, and soon after he became one of my favorite summer companions.  World Cup games, Long Island pool days, and Sundays in Riverside Park.

We’re still buddies.

That brings me to my weekend plans- and how much times have changed.

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On Friday afternoon I am heading back to NYC for the weekend- yet I didn’t even consider that it would be the four year mark of my big move.  It feels very appropriate; the New Moon in Gemini, a different Kristin, and of course, coming full circle.

It has not been an easy four years, but I am excited to enjoy a weekend in the city with an entirely new perspective.  Not one with a broken heart like the broken heart I had when I arrived June 18th, 2014 and when I left July 25th, 2016, but with a happy, whole one.

A heart that is grateful.  A heart that knows she doesn’t need boys, beer, or bars.  A heart that is content within herself.

I know my behavior was reckless when I lived there.  I know that.  I am grateful to have gotten out alive (quite literally).  However, those memories are pieces of my life that shaped me into the tough little cookie I am today.  I’ve learned I don’t need to be tough all of the time, though- only when I need to be.

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I couldn’t be told that, though.  I had to learn for myself.

Happy New Moon, everyone.  Let’s set intentions, dream big, and move forward- even when we second guess ourselves.  This is a time to keep going- to keep moving forward with those projects and goals.

I used to avoid success through dating and drinking, and guess what?  It didn’t work.  The Universe knew there was something bigger for me, and I trust that.

“It’s never too late- never too late to start over, never too late to be happy.” -Jane Fonda