Sometimes we have to pave our way to make room for the new. Sometimes it’s just as brutal as that, too.
One constant in my life has been that I’ll never be lonely enough to settle. Sure, I’ve had my fair share of short-lived romances, but I don’t stick around if it’s not working. As an only child and old soul who enjoys her own company, I just don’t have time or energy for people who don’t add something positive to my life.
It only seems to make sense to state your feelings, put your foot down, and say “damn it, I love myself too much for this,” right? For some reason, this can be a challenge for women. We sugar coat, we beat around the bush, or we just “let things go.” As for me, I’m done with that- it didn’t get me anywhere in the past, and I’m certain it won’t get me anywhere in the future.
But… honesty isn’t always comfortable.
Over the past month I went on somewhat of a rampage. It makes me laugh today, but it wasn’t very funny at the time. Ready for the new year, I started seeing old patterns pop up, exes reemerging from the past, and new people coming into my life who thought they had me fooled. As I said before, a woman’s intuition is always right; I may play dumb for a moment in time, but it’s only to watch someone dig themselves into their own truth hole.
Being completely blunt with the men who recently wronged me (naturally, I had to encounter a string of sneaky people), I later felt uncomfortable, emotionally depleted, and even a little guilty. Was my intuition off? No. Did they turn the blame around on me? Of course they did.
Here is what is so ridiculous: I questioned myself for telling these guys their behavior wasn’t acceptable.
I thought to myself, “could I have just let it go? No. The answer should always be no. If we let the mishaps, fibs, arguments, and excuses go, we allow the same patterns continue over and over (and over… and over). The universe sees what we’re accepting into our lives, what we’re putting out, and in turn, gives us the same right back- until the cycle is broken.
2018 is a new year, and although I’ve been hurt in the past, I don’t need to hold onto it any longer. I used to think writing my lost love stories of the past would be both healing and funny to write about, but lately I’ve had a major shift. Why would I want to relive that? I know I have the ability to grow, learn, and move on- and that’s what I intent to do.