Not One Who Waits Around

As the New Year begins with the supercharged energy of the Supermoon, I woke up today at 3AM as I often do.  After tossing and turning for a bit, I was left with no other choice but to get up, make a cup of coffee, and open my laptop.

Today I’m going back to work after holiday break, which will be a little bittersweet after an amazing week of self-care and creativity.  Although I was initially nervous about being out of school for a week, it proved to be anything but “time off.”  My creative energy was in full force, my intentions for the new year were set, and all that no longer served me fell away.  I didn’t even have to think about how to spend my time or handle situations; it all unfolded effortlessly.

Throughout the week I pondered habits, relationships, and ways of thinking I wanted to leave in 2017.  Although I’ve picked up more good habits than bad this past year, there’s always room for improvement; especially when it comes to how I handle situations with men.  I’m not always very forgiving, especially when I can tell something is “off.”  This past month had its own twisted web of events to make me question the intentions of people; first, a guy who called me sunshine and then fibbed about the timeline of his friend’s death, and then a writer who claimed to be out of the country for the holiday… yet tweeted about being lonely on Christmas.   I can’t make this stuff up.

Uninterested, I put those people in the back of my mind and headed out on a date.  No one has time for sketchy.  With every intention of having a fresh start in 2018, I decided to leave my cynical card at home and just go have fun.  That would be too easy though, right?  Of course life would throw me a comical curveball.  Reemerging from one heck of a teleporting trip from Toronto, I walk right by the guy who claimed to be in Canada.

Are these guys kidding?  Did they really think I wanted to spend the holidays with them?

Boys… I’m not one who waits around.

Feeling victorious for catching Canada, I blocked both of their numbers and carried on.  Drama, lies, or excuses aren’t things I care to bring into 2018.  Perhaps my intuition is a gift to protect me from the pain I faced in the past.  I will never forget being that 16 year old girl sitting in the front window of my house on West Bay Shore Drive.  Dressed in a pretty new outfit, makeup perfectly applied, and butterflies in my stomach, I waited to be picked up for a guy who would never come.  I remember that feeling of pain, embarrassment, and rejection.  Over the years I became defensive and cynical, tough and independent.  I don’t have to be that person today, though.

I may have rung in 2018 without a kiss, but I was so happy to help Brenda open and close her New Year’s Eve party.  Over the past year she’s helped soften me, giving me a fresh perspective on love, compassion, and friendship.  We chatted about our ridiculous dating lives, cleaned up, and I cuddled with Clarissa the cat.

I woke up New Year’s Day feeling refreshed and recharged, so I put some curl in my hair, threw on a hat and headed to the Back Bay as a continuation of my vision board.  What better way to spend the first day of the year than to visualize the future?  I strolled through Tiffany’s, enjoyed a coffee, snapped photos of brownstones, and treated myself to some new clothes.  Why wait for the future to unfold when we can begin creating it on our own?

We don’t always know what the end result will be, but we can put in the effort in the meantime.  However, I know today that if someone wants to make time for me, they will find a way.  No excuses!  I am no longer that damsel in distress, sitting by the window, waiting for her prince to come save her…  I have things to do.

I’ll never be one who waits around.

About Kristin Fehrman

Boston-based writer. Living beautifully at Mindful in Style.
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