Over the past couple of months I have heard the term “representative” quite a few times. From Glennon Doyle’s “Love Warrior” to a discussion I had about how social media changes our interactions with others, I began thinking about how the world is full of people walking around with a mask of protection; their “representative.” Whether it’s to shield from past pain or because one believes acting a certain way would be more attractive to others, our representatives hold us back from being the people we are meant to be.
I’ve attracted all of the wrong relationships, jobs, and friends because I was out of my alignment with the person that I am. My representative has been a large part of my life; I only showed select people the real me, or held on tightly to guilt and focused on who I was in the past. Instead of acting with grace and having self compassion, I’ve put on a tough exterior and avoided situations where I could get hurt. I gravitated toward role models who were cold and independent. Through the years I’ve wondered why I continued to attract people in my life that were also that way or why my relationships were often turbulent. I was living in a constant state of combat and didn’t even realize it. I was defensive, anxious, and cynical. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I could chose a new representative.
After last week’s New Moon, I reflected on ways I have not let go of my past. I reflected on how I have subconsciously held tight to childhood pain, teenage uncomfortablity, mid-twenties drama, and old nostalgia of cities I have lived in. I repeated the same patterns everywhere I went, just in a different form. I hadn’t let go of many old characteristics that have been holding me back from being truly happy- including being resistant to other people. My resistance to both true self love and self acceptance, based on who I thought my representative was, has blocked the entrance to real love and abundance.
The person I am today is different than the person I am yesterday, and I need to keep reminding myself of this.
I can chose a new representative today; one who is more gentle, graceful, compassionate, and calm. I’ve come to learn over the past year that the world is also full of kind, wonderful people are are in alignment with the person I want to be; one without a chip on her shoulder or living in fear of abandonment, pain, or disappointment.
Once we expect great things rather than focusing on a world of negativity, each day starts to flow, and you’re able to open your eyes to all of the unexpected surprises, beauty, and happiness that comes your way. Each day is a new step in a new direction, and while great change may not happen overnight, we will begin to see that choosing a new representative will begin to bring new opportunities, relationships, and joy.