Raise Your Standards


I’ve never been one to settle- settling down, settling for less, settling for something I knew wasn’t right for me.

However, I’ve definitely lowered my standards- even if it was only temporary.

In the past, I have accepted the way I have been treated by others even though I knew I deserved better.  I have communicated what I wanted or needed at the moment, yet felt guilty for expressing my true feelings.  I used to take all of the blame when things didn’t work out.

I spent Sunday with a dear friend, who told me about the weekend she had with a guy she has been seeing.  She already had a rough week and his behavior made her feel uncomfortable.  He was impatient with her, didn’t listen to her needs and insisted on certain things that she didn’t like.  She stated this to him, yet he turned it around on her and threatened to leave.

She thought it was all her fault.

Feeling emotionally depleated, she asked me what she did wrong.  We talked about their conversations, particularly one they had at dinner, and I was left with one conclusion: he has issues that have nothing to do with you.

Why do we take all of the blame?  Why do we immediately insist that we are the ones at fault?  I’ve learned this recently in my own relationships- I realized that I can’t fix people, despite being healthy, grounded and supportive.

People have to fix themselves on their own.

I’ve definitely continued to date the same type of person- charismatic, intelligent, funny; yet sneaky.  For whatever reason, I continue to do the same thing over and over expecting a different result.  If it didn’t work then, why would it work now?

My life is very full, and I have an amazing support system.  Getting mixed up with other people who don’t have my best interest at heart is not something I need in my life now, or ever.  My suggestion for my friend?  “Focus on yourself.  Stop with these guys.  Your work and home life will become much more clear once you focus on yourself, not try to pick up someone else’s pieces.”

Now, I just need to follow my own advice.  It’s a new moon, after all. 🌙

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