It has been a beautiful weekend in Boston. Despite the recent struggles in my life, my heart is full and I am beyond grateful for the support I have received from friends and family all over the country. Both near and far, I’ve developed amazing relationships over the years that mean the world to me. These people have seen me through my good and my bad; they’ve seen me struggle with depression and alcohol, through boyfriends and job losses. They have lifted me up and made me realize that I can take it easy. It is true that I am my worst enemy and biggest critic.
It’s exhausting to put on a smile. Ever since finishing college I have been living on a facade of having it all together when inside I was in the depths of hopelessness and self criticism. I have always compared myself to everyone around me and looked to others for approval. For the first time in my life, I’ve been able to start handling difficult situations with a clear mind and to face my challenges head-on.
When things got hard, I ran. I love the geographical cure! Change has been something extremely comfortable to me; it’s standing still that was unbearable over the years. Putting down the drink was easy- it was living life on life’s terms that has been such a challenge. If I didn’t like a coworker or boss, I quit. If my relationship wasn’t working, I found a new one. Today, I am learning to take it easy on myself, take it one day at a time, and to keep my thoughts in the moment.
I recently moved to a new part of Boston and am in a career transition. I feel as if I need to pick up exactly where I left off; that I need to jump back into a stressful marketing career or management position. However, before I am able to do that I need to be able to manage myself.
I was recently advised to take some time to focus on myself. Although I journal every day and have a wonderful support system, I have a lot of growing to do. I have been working on developing a solid foundation on my own two feet and learning to open up about my own recovery. What a gift! Through my writing and my relationships with others, I’m learning so much about myself and have even been able to help a few people open up about their struggles as well.
I have no idea what tomorrow will bring or what I will do for work- but as for now, I am keeping it in the day and enjoying a peaceful Sunday. Right now I am taking it easy- one day at a time.
I have faith that I am being guided in the right direction, as long as I continue to communicate with my higher power, stay sober and do the very best I can.