Gratitude

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“You can’t be fearful and grateful at the same time.”

As I reflect on the past five months in Massachusetts- where I was at before I arrived, where I was at when I settled in, and where I am at now, I think about how resistant I was to ask for help.  I felt I needed to be strong; that I needed to do everything on my own in order to prove to those around me (particularly the naysayers) that I could bounce back from a difficult year.

It was a lonely place- a place I was stuck in until very recently.

I have always been fearful of rejection and criticism.  Instead of focusing on self-care when I got here, I focused on appearing like everything was fine.  Deeply lonely but throwing myself into work, I journaled, read self-help books, created my blog, meditated and more- but I still found myself isolated and empty.

Over the years I looked for external ways to fill the void inside; shopping, alcohol, dating. Although I learned that those things only made me feel emptier inside, I failed to do the one thing that I had been resisting for so long: looking for spirituality through other people.

With a clear head and wide eyes, my fear is starting to slip away. Over the past couple of weeks I have opened my heart and myself up to those around me; the people that have given me love, hope and strength.  There have been many changes in my life and within my own perspective that I have recently acknowledged, and one of those changes lies within my purpose.  I have felt I have merely been “going through the motions” for the past few months, wondering “what exactly is the meaning of life?”  As I continue to write, help others and look for a career that fits my passions and my purpose (spreading the message of hope to others who have been through what I have), I have nothing but gratitude from the women in my life, especially here in Cambridge, who have shown me that I am whole on my own.

This morning I have an immense amount of gratitude to those who have helped make my transition easier, have taught me to lighten up, and helped me learn to love myself.

Thanks to a little help from my friends, I live in the solutions- not the problems.

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About Kristin Fehrman

My name is Kristin Fehrman and I am a writer in Boston. I started my blog, Mindful in Style, to share my story with the hope of inspiring others to follow their dreams, discover their purpose, pursue their passions, and use their voice. This is my own story of living beautifully.
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One Response to Gratitude

  1. Pingback: World Mental Health Day: Change Starts With You | Mindful in Style

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