It has been about five months since I started this blog, just six days after I took a one-way flight to Boston. Prior to coming here I had no idea what my plan was- after over two years in New York City, a failed attempt at trying out Chicago, and finally taking a much-needed month long reset in Mississippi, I followed my intuition and spiritual guides… and found myself back on the East Coast. It feels wonderful to be on the water, where I belong… where I feel at peace.
Over the years I have had a lot of shame in telling my story, but now I finally feel ready to free myself of this. People often look at me strangely when I explain the past decade of my life. Somehow, for some reason, it’s unfathomable for a 20-something year old from the Midwest to have lived in various cities across the US. They can’t wrap their heads around the fact that I’ve tried different types of jobs, been in several different relationships, and lived in the North, South, East and West. Most of society seems to enjoy consistency and stability. Personally, I like to challenge myself- and what better time to learn who you are than when you’re young and unattached? I am always searching, always seeking a deeper purpose or meaning. That’s just me.
Back in November, I had no idea what I would find in Boston. I didn’t know where I would work, where I would live, who I would be friends with or how I would fill my spare time, but I knew it would work. This time it just had to.
I absolutely love it here. While it has taken me some time to get comfortable with my surroundings and develop a community, I am finally feeling more at home. Recently I realized that despite my wonderful surroundings, I still have a lot of work to do on myself- and I am just figuring out the root of my issue.
I need to love myself more- for you can’t truly love something else until you love yourself.
This next chapter of my life isn’t so much about working on what’s happening on the outside, but focusing on the inside. Once I am comfortable in my own home- within myself- I know that my mind will be much more at ease, and I’ll be able to give more to others. We all have a purpose, and my current mission is to “clean house” and get rid of the negative self-talk, cognitive distortions and my warped self-esteem that holds me back. I must let go of my fears- whether it is abandonment, shame or pride, and learn to finally believe in myself the way the ones I love do.
Here’s to the next chapter and a clean house- both physically and mentally.
“Peace comes from within. Don’t seek it without.” -Buddha