Quieting Your Inner Critic

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Happy Monday!  It was a beautiful weekend in Boston (after Saturday’s April showers) to enjoy the park, meditate by the water and enjoy coffee with friends.  After a 12 mile walk through Arlington, Cambridge and Beacon Hill, I finally settled in for a relaxing evening with no signs of the “Sunday Scaries.”  You know, that uneasy feeling in your gut as the weekend is coming to an end and thoughts of the work week creep over you.

This Monday morning was different than Mondays in the past.  After practicing a new morning mantra and changing up my routine a bit, I didn’t experience my usual anxious, fearful feeling.  Instead, I reached a moment of clarity:

Whatever will be will be… and I can handle it.

So, I got up at 5:30, got in the shower and meditated before I headed out to meet a group of ladies over coffee.  It was wonderful to share where we’re at today and to learn a little bit from each experience- part of my newfound attitude adjustment is thanks to finally learning to participate instead of going to my default setting: isolation.  Listening and learning from others has been both helpful and grounding- taking the focus off myself by having compassion for others has also been extremely rewarding and makes life so much more meaningful.  After having such a great time, I wondered, “why do I isolate?” I came to a very harsh and true conclusion: I question my worth or value to others.  What do I bring to the table?

Why would anyone self sabotage on purpose?

That brings me to a spiritual experience I had over the weekend.  After a lovely day of exploring in nature, I spent some time at the library- a safe, happy place for me.  I love walking in with an intention and stumbling on exactly what I didn’t know I was looking for. I have been trying to be easier on myself, so this book by Mark Coleman was the perfect find.

What I haven’t realized is that in order to move forward, I need freedom from my worst critic- myself.  My brain is what continues to tell me I am not capable or not enough.  My brain questions my actions, my worth and my capabilities.

It’s time to quiet that inner critic!

While I am not 100% satisfied with certain aspects of my life, every day gets better- and it isn’t due to circumstances, it’s due to my perspective.  I’ve stopped looking outward for happiness and validation and am finally focusing on what’s inside- and that includes being kinder to myself.  I also have to realize that I have only been in Boston for shy of five months- it takes time to get settled.  Magic doesn’t happen overnight- but with hard work each day, miracles show themselves over time.

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