Feel Better by Taking the Focus Off Yourself


Over the past four months I have done an immense amount of soul searching while transitioning to a new life in a new city.  Learning a different and positive way of thinking has been extremely helpful in handling day-to-day situations, life changes, and repairing pain from the past.  Introspection and continuous self-improvement is imperative to everyday growth, but one can only spend so much time in their own brain before thoughts start to spin.

Every time I begin to go down that rabbit hole, I have to remember to take the attention off myself and reach out to another person.  My thoughts can go in a million dangerous places if I start becoming too self-absorbed, so I have to be mindful and acknowledge when this starts to happen.

“If you’re feeling helpless, help someone.” -Aung San Suu Kyi

When my mind starts to irritate me, my natural reaction is to write.  Whether it’s journaling, working on my book or posting a blog, I get my thoughts out before they start to eat away at my happiness.  In the past, I used to dump all of my problems on anyone who would listen, but today I stop to breathe before taking my communication to a negative place.  Instead, I try to write down my thoughts before I let them engulf me.

You’re probably helping someone and you don’t even know it.

I am always amazed to hear from a friend or reader when they share how they’re going through a similar situation as I am.  I absolutely love the concept of synchronicity, so it never fails to bring me joy when I’m on the same wavelength as another.  My writing has brought so much joy on top of helping me to connect with others, from old friends to new.  I’ve met some great people through my many moves, so I decided to send a little snail mail to a few friends who may have needed a smile.  About a week after I sent my postcards out, I got this alert on Facebook:

“So it’s been a snowy mess here today in good old northern Michigan. But when I got home I got a postcard from my pen pal. Thank you Kristin, you are so sweet!!!! You made my day a little brighter.”


Sent from Cambridge, arrived in Traverse City

By acknowledging my postcard (which already brought a smile to my face when I sent it), my friend Jamie made MY day all over again- see how just a small gesture can go a long way?  The tiniest thing can truly make a difference in someone’s life.  Shortly after my friend in Michigan received my postcard, I received my own mail from a good friend and fellow baseball fan from San Francisco.

What goes around truly does come around!  Whether it’s a smile on the street or a surprise from San Francisco, small acts of kindness can go a long way.

The next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself, stuck in a rut or struggling with life, remember to stop, take a breath and see what you can do to make someone else smile.  You will feel better- I promise.


Can’t wait to try Leo’s Oyster Bar with you in SF, Phil!


About Kristin Fehrman

Boston-based writer. Living beautifully at Mindful in Style.
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One Response to Feel Better by Taking the Focus Off Yourself

  1. Pingback: Quieting Your Inner Critic | Mindful in Style

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