“Smother your addiction to chaos with an even greater desire for peace and simplicity.” – Danielle LaPorte
There was a time I couldn’t get enough. Enough friends, enough food, enough to drink, enough money, enough attention, enough love.
I constantly wondered what everyone thought of me. I sought after the next date, the next drink, the next thrill. What was right in front of me was never sufficient; I wondered what was next. What would tomorrow bring? The grass was always greener, no matter what seemed to be on the other side.
I was addicted to anything that was different from the state I was currently in- mentally and physically. Then, one day running from myself stopped working: it was time to stand still. Instead of changing things, it was time to accept life on life’s terms.
The problem wasn’t the amount I was consuming, the objects I possessed, where I lived, how much money I made, the people in my life or any other outside factors; the problem was me. I wasn’t enough for myself, therefore nothing would be able to fill my own void. I wondered why I wasn’t attracting positive people and why chaos continued to follow me.
Until I could accept peace and where I was at that very moment- no matter the situation- outside matters would not make me or break me.
It has taken a lot of hard work, meditation and even battling (and accepting) loneliness to get to a place where I could begin purging people, places and things that were bad for my health or personal growth. All of the “extras” that no longer serve me have been let go of; but it has been a process. I have had to let go of negative people, thoughts and actions to begin to create a place of peace for myself- both in my mind and in my home. Today I no longer waste my energy on trying to make people happy, but instead do things to recharge my soul. As I begin to feel more complete, I am more capable of lending to helping hand to another, whether it be through volunteering, being a listening ear or telling my story.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I am open- but today, I am enough.